Published on 12, July, 2020
(from a discussion I joined in Reddit)
I have been noticing a trend of people who claim that autism is not an disability, I think there were even some people who were asking to remove it from the classification. Do these people not realise the harm they are making to other autistic people, and themselves, just because they have a prejudice against the "disability" designation?
Last year I got my ASD diagnosis, after my social life was ruined by burnouts and horrible blunders.
It is taking all that is in me to admit to myself that I can not do certain things, it is taking all that it is in my self to cope that can not fight my social awkwardness and that this is the only way I can keep socialising with the people. In the best case scenario I end up looking like the "weird one" or the "clown friend" again, it is taking all in me to accept that I have this disability and that I need some accessibility for things.
And yet people keep working to feed this prejudice that many of us have to work against in ourselves.
Every time that I feel I can not express the way I feel or think, it honestly feels like my body is a trap sometimes.
I cannot read body language and vocal cues. Dogs can. I am less functional than a goddamn dog. That's not the fault of society for not being accommodating enough.
I cannot drive at night, bright lights give me an headache and trigger a meltdown. That's not the fault of society for not being accommodating enough.
I cannot stand loud TV or radio. Everybody else can. That's not the fault of society for not being accommodating enough.
I cannot read a map or find my way around an unfamiliar place. That's not the fault of society for not being accommodating enough.
I have poor fine motor control skills. That's not the fault of society for not being accommodating enough.
Something *is* wrong with my brain. I *am* disabled. I need accommodations to function comfortably, and that's okay. It's nothing to be ashamed of because it's not my fault. I did no wrong; I just have a brain that didn't develop correctly. We need to get rid of "AuTiSM Iz MaGiKaL SupErPoWeR". It is not. It's an horrible disability, and my only hope is that someday there will be a way to prevent it.
To be honest, I think that those people saying that ASD is not a disability are either subscribing to the social theory of disability (total lunacy), deluded, or they have such a mild form of ASD that ASD is not a disability for them. I call them the "TikTok autistics"!
Personally I agree that my autism (ADHD &cptsd ) is a disability, but I'm struggling to get my own head around saying I'm disabled. I think that's because I'm extremely hard on myself and always think I should do better. It's like part of my own mind still thinks "trying harder" will solve everything because I've been told to do so my whole life because noone believed my struggles until I had it written in black and white with a doctor's signature.
Yesterday I had to explain to my friend that her description of me as "high functioning autistic" (she was dealing with a situation for me at the time) was upsetting. And she's TRAINED to support autistic adults. High functioning implies I can live normally. High functioning ppl don't have to ask friends to sort out a parcel delivery, nor do they have meltdowns every time they try and go to a shop to buy their groceries.
There's a fundamental misunderstanding about what autism is, it's going to take more than a handful of documentaries on TV to get the message across (even if they have been very good documentaries). It's going to take a decade or more for the world to more broadly understand autism. Hell even the professionals keep changing the criteria. That's medicine, we don't know everything. In 50 years they might discover something that changes all our perceptions again.
However, autism is only part of our lives. Some autistics will have had positive upbringings , they won't have had the same levels of trauma as others, they have strong support networks in their families, and therefore may not feel disabled because they are supported and thriving. It's ok if they feel that way, it's not anyone else's place to say if they should identify as disabled or not.
Others may be thinking that it's depression or anxiety that's the hard part of their life, not the autism. I certainly thought that before I realised what I thought was anxiety is actually, 99% of the time, sensory. Alexithymia and poor interoception meant I didn't understand my own bodies responses and couldn't articulate, hence the anxiety diagnosis at 19.
We are all different, and we experience our autism differently. None of us knows what's going on in someone else's mind so we can't really comment on if someone is disabled or not.