diagnosis

Hi,  I am looking for a diagnosis of sorts. I have always been different, but back in the 50's-60's you were just "weird" and no help was available.  I am 67 now, and since I can remember, I have not been liked, I always seem to misinterpret people and what they say, and they FOR SURE misinterpret me. When i react to bad situations, I often get " jeez john, that was a bit over the top" or "No, they didnt mean that" or "why do you always think that someones out to get you?".  On occasions, I have reacted violently, but not since my teens really, but my brain always goes into what I call "Godfather mode" if I get a slightest whiff of a confrontation . It only takes a slight rebuff to upset me, and if I always seem to be seeking validation or a pat on the back or just some sign that i am liked or needed or wanted.=, or just bloody normal!
Like I said, since I can remember Ive been treated different, sort of "marmite man" either liked (not so often) or hated with a passion (more normal),  I also have a feeling that whenever something is good, its soon going to go wrong,  jobs/relationships/projects etc ,so much so that I still think my wife of 30yrs is going to leave me for someone else someday.  I have a large family, but only get on with a few of them, I say this is because "I dont suffer fools gladly", but really its probably down to my lack of social skills especially in large groups (when family is all together), over the years, ive probably only got on with 5 of the twenty of them at any one time, if i make up with some, i fall out with others??
My grandson was diagnosed with Aspergers, which got me asking questions of myself, but now that I could pop my clogs at any time, i would just like the peace of knowing what makes me like this. I'd rather not take up specialist time or cost anyone money, there are youngsters who need this help more than me, and those who need the financial help, so just some understaning would be fine.