Hey I need some advice/thoughts or help on autism

Hi, I’m 24 male and I think I might be autistic.

This is gonna be a very long post sksksksk so here goes.

So I was born and raised in Nigeria until I was 7/8 and then moved to the UK where I’ve been ever since (I believe it’s relevant).

So as a child I used to be so energetic and bouncy/fidgety and ridiculously sensitive, any little raising of voice would make me cry and I had very violent outbursts when I was angry. But being Nigeria you get beat with a cane for misbehaving or you have punishments in school. Sooo at a young age I quickly knew how to behave. (oo oo key point I was also an overweight child so I also felt people were judging me too and calling me names)

I struggled at school in Nigeria where my grades were not good especially at spellings. I found things very confusing and didn’t understand social concepts. But it was chucked to me being “middle class” and “posh/ rich” (essentially I had everything done for me and I mean everything). 

When I moved to uk I carried on behaving. I felt like I didn’t fit in because I didn’t understand things and I thought it was cultural differences but this feeling has still stayed whereas my older brother assimilated very very quickly and made friends and was social etc etc.

I then realised that I was gay  so I assumed oh maybe I didn’t fit in or feel comfortable because I was gay. Anyway I always noticed that after school regardless of Nigeria or uk I was always drained and always had a headache or some sort of lightheadedness. I seemed to always be ill or had some sort of issue. The one I had the most was heel pains i don’t know why possibly because i was overweight but going to the doctor they noted that the heel pain I’m experiencing usually comes if that specific place was hit. (It wasn’t)

sounds piss me off and have for as long as I remember. And lights were sometimes annoying and too much (I wear glasses now so when things are too much I take it off and everything goes blurry ) I find that my mouth tingles and not in a good way when I eat crunchy foods like toast, crisps croissants. (I have no known allergies) 

I love touch rough surfaces like trees, buildings ANYTHING that’s rough. I noticed that I have certain weird rules like not being able to sit down on something that isn’t specifically designed to be sat on. If it’s wet I can never sit even if it’s cleaned.

Anyway the story is dragging a bit so I’ll speed up and get to the core of my issues. This year I fell into a massive depressive episode where I had suicidal thoughts I couldn’t move and in some instances couldn’t speak and disassociated. (have dealt with this for years undiagnosed and I identify exactly what’s making me depressed but this has never happened) I’m diagnosed with depression and anxiety now but further researching I think I might be autistic but the only thing that i don’t meet is need for routine. I don’t have a routine and can’t keep one and I don’t get extremely upset when my plans changed last minute  I just get irritated. I do get somewhat happy when plans to socialise are cancelled by the other person. Anyway because of this I’m telling myself that I don’t have autism and I’m looking for attention. And attention seeking (almost all the friends I have and I talk to are mentally Ill in some way I.e. Depression, anxiety, ADHD or autism)

Also I’m always cold, ALWAYS in the uk. I’m fine with the extreme heatwaves or heat so much so I can still wear jackets and Beanies but cold I CANNOT HANDLE. I could still have so many layers and be cold. ( always chucked it to not being used to the temperature) 

I’ve done almost all the online tests and my scores say I might have autism but I don’t know of any family member with autism and I hear it’s genetic. (I don’t know how helpful this may be but my little brother has sickle cell disease) 

I have asked gp for a referral for assessment but I feel like it’s a waste because what if I don’t have it and I waste peoples time. And I’m also hesitant to research (but I have) because I feel likI’ll start pretending or making everything I do a sign of autism. And I keep thinking why do I want to be autistic soo bad I’m just a lazy weirdo with no talents  I’m not good at anything.

sooo any advice, perspective, or thoughts would be appreciated. Love you all