Dating an NT and general dating stuff

He sent me a text on Friday and asked if we could meet for lunch on Monday and said that he'll pay. (I had to pay for lunch last Monday because he didn't have enough money) I said no and someone else said I should go, just as a friend. I don't want to see him. And last week was torture - it was too crowded and loud. And when we out, he always takes me somewhere else I'd rather not go, after we eat.

I personally can't see how he has Aspergers. He just seems to be rather controlling.

I'm rather confused by him requesting that I don't tell certain people. I had no intention to tell this other person anyway.

If you have known him for a year then you must know by now if you are attracted to him, if you think about him, enjoy your time with him, have some feelings for him etc...and if he wants to take it further then he should be seen to be making an effort, not just giving you a direct question.

Telling you not to tell someone else is controlling, and only makes me wonder what other things he is going to tell you to do if you get involved, I also wonder why doesn't he want others to know he is interested in you ? Will this be the case even if you do get involved, will he tell you not to tell anyone ?

Or it could be he has a touch of Aspergers too?  Is his attempt to make you fit in to a routine something indicative that he has similar difficulties?

They say opposites attract, but I do wonder if that probable allusion to the behaviour of magnets is applicable to humans. I wonder how easy it is for two people with aspergers, diagnosed or otherwise, to fall into each others arms....

I found that creepy too. Whenever I spoke to anyone about this week, they said to go with the flow and see how it develops. I tried that.

One thing I really odd - he asked me out on the Sunday and we were both at running club on the Monday. I got out of his car and went to talk to someone. The first thing he said was "don't tell him". Why he though I'd tell this other person, I don't know. I was only going to give him some money I owe him.

I can't see how this would work at all. I'm not overly keen on meeting up a few times a week. I know in part it's because of my sensory issues and Autism. I don't like loud and crowded places. Someone did say that it sounds as though I'm making excuses not to see him, which isn't healthy in a relationship.

I never agreed to go out with him either. I actually said I don't know and would think about it. That doesn't mean yes.

All this asking you out and 'discuss our future' ...I find creepy...whatever happened to romance ?

I thought if you wanted to get close to someone you would do so by spending time together and doing things together....and when you both mutually start enjoying each others company and get to know each other then you take it further.. it's as if he wants to cut all that out and just expects you to answer a question on whether or not you want to be partners,  no doubt if you agree he will expect to be in bed with you minutes later...I think you made the right decision.

Getting involved with someone is not a simple yes or no, but at least saying no means you are not making a mistake.

I've had to dump him. Not happy at all with the way everything's going. He wanted to "discuss our future" on Monday.

I told him via text today that I don't want a relationship (he knew I wasn't sure from the start) and he just said "ok".

Thank you.

In all honesty, I'm not 100% sure I want a relationship, which he's aware of.

I'm married to an NT.  I didn't know that I had Asperger's when we met or married.  He claims he knew there was "something wrong" with me within a couple of weeks of meeting.  Strange then that he still chose to stay with me, relocate country and marry me.

He claimed that he understood me better when I got my diagnosis.  It hasn't changed his attitude about my deficits though.

I would say that if you have known him for a year and he has still asked you out then he knows enough about you to like you despite whatever differences he may have noticed.

Don't let your condition hold you back if you like him.

Hi spock,

Nope, it's not advertising as far as we see it. It's fine to recommend texts you've found helpful. 

Best wishes,

Anil

my nt wife is great. she always felt i was in the spectrum. so roughly a year ago she got me to read a book all about an aspie bloke and his unusual realationship with his nt girlfriend. the book is based on real life and a good read. a lady called 'barbara jacobs' wrote the book 'loving mr spock' (where i got my user name from).

mr mod, i hope this recomendation isn't considered advertising?

respect

rob

Thank you. :) And it would be interesting to see dating someone on the spectrum from the point of view of an NT too.

Hi stranger

I am an NT female and I was with an aspie male for a longtime.  From my perspective it would have helped our relationship if I had known he had aspergers.  We spent many years misunderstanding and miscommunicating which eventually led to us separating.

Being open and honest from the start is in my opinion the best policy.  

Hope it goes well.