Published on 12, July, 2020
I had my assessment 2-3 weeks ago and was told I'm autistic. I don't have my report yet and have been told not to expect it until the new year as they have a backlog of them to write up. Apparently I'll also get a follow up appointment around that time.
I find myself frequently thinking about things I should have said during the assessment. For example, the assessor spent a long time asking if I had any collections and I kept saying no, I can't think of anything, so we moved on. It's literally just dawned on me that for the last 10 or so years I've spent upwards of two hours every day playing a card collecting game online, and that I'd be pretty upset if that collection vanished. But because it's digital rather than physical, and it's a thing I know is "boring" and that I shouldn't talk about, it didn't spring to mind.
I guess I'm worried that my report is going to make me look "less autistic" than I really am. By the halfway point of the assessment, the assessor seemed pretty unconvinced by my autistic experiences, as she kept saying "it doesn't seem like routines are a big thing for you" or "it doesn't sound like you do that to an extreme extent." Needing to stick to routines is a big part of why I don't travel (ever), have close relationships, or have a regular job, but I couldn't seem to get that across, as I was simply answering the questions honestly, and really, no it's not a big deal if I have breakfast 10 minutes earlier one day than another, and no, my special interests don't interfere with things I need to do (because I've structured my life in such a way that I can devote several hours a day to them). Once we got onto talking about social stuff she seemed more convinced, but I think I might still have been heading for a "not autistic" diagnosis until she asked how often I used to have meltdowns before I structured my life to give myself more solitude and I said "oh, every day." She seemed surprised, like she'd assumed everything I was describing were occasional problems, not all-consuming.
I know all I can do is wait for the report, but I just wanted to vent.
I was diagnosed by the NHS in a single 4-hour interview with no tasks to complete, just questions about my experiences.
Hi Nate
I think people are right here, it probably isn't something to worry about - at least I'm trying not to worry about it as like you I came away from my assessment (one hour 20 video call with Psychiatry-UK) feeling frustrated and worried that I hadn't shown just how autistic I am! When she diagnosed me, the assessor even said ' it's not really bad' - which I thought was terrible! But we have to remember psychiatrists are only human, right?!
As I haven't yet received my report I sent a note to say something I'd said about sleeping well wasn't true. Because I feel like that would be important for my GP to know in future, maybe. So perhaps do the same if you have something(s) specific you'd like included?
Otherwise I suspect it's true that the reports don't matter so much as we think, and there's not much we can do about things we wish we'd said or not said. That's life really. I'm trying to focus on who I feel I am and exploring the extent of my autism and how I go on in the world now, away from the theory and comparisons with others or the tests.
Hope we can find some peace!