Published on 12, July, 2020
Do you often feel misunderstood like no one rarely knows the true version of yourself? Bit of a backdrop
Albeit all these positives my life has seemed extremely challenging I seem to get a bout of burnout/overwhelm every 6-8months usually 2 days of rest and I’m back to normal but sometimes it takes a toll for 1-2 weeks like the current one I’m experiencing.
After years of research I finally plucked up the courage to visit a GP for an ADHD/Autism appointment I explained my case and thought it was more likely ADHD at that point. Anyway I got sent an autism referral almost immediately but still haven’t heard anything back in regards to ADHD after 7 months.
When I finally broached the subject with my “old school” parents I got a response of “you’re not ADHD you used to be a lovely little boy, stop reading all that off the internet” So I’ve just continued on the research but I just haven’t mentioned it to them again although my dad and my older brother also prefer their own company neither have friends outside of work my brother is mid 30’s and has never had a partner, still lives in our family home and never had much of a live outside of work I always wonder if he struggles with the noise sensitivities etc I do.
There’s a lot of subtleties I get told which also link up after the extensive research I’ve done but sometimes I think is this just me looking too much into stuff.
Anyway my partner also thinks I relate to ADHD but not autism I didn’t at first but I was naive and thought autism looked a certain type of way not the broad spectrum that it is. What I’m trying to get to is the 2 people closest to me don’t think I am. I’m on a waiting list not knowing but feeling different and am struggling occasionally has anyone had a similar experience ?
Hi, thank you for your detailed response.
For me it’s the not knowing. I’ve done over 2 years of research so I pretty much know it’s one, the other or both. I suppose what comes with that is imposter syndrome if the people closest to you don’t see what you see mainly because I internalize most things, you start to doubt yourself and question am I noticing more things because I’m a lot more self aware not or am I faking it but deep down you know that’s not the case.
I’ve got a first session of talking therapy today but that’s nothing to do with my assessment route it’s through the GP after another stage of burnout so I assume it’s going to be more a long the lines of how to combat anxiety/stress which I think I’ll be mostly aware of as I’ve literally research for years everything regarding mental health to try and reduce my burnout stages.
I’m regards to family my mum is the chatter of the family me, my dad and my brother are very chilled people in the sense we don’t have to talk much in each others company to enjoy it. My mum often makes very blunt comments towards most people not even realizing how offense it can sound haha I.e when my partners round as they chat till the cows come home ie “I wish I had a girl as you 3 never talk to me” but we just find it funny it comes across so rude but not meant to.
What I’m trying to say is an outsider looking in may look at our family dynamics and think we don’t get on as much as other family’s but we do just in our own way.
I can relate to atleast some of that, I'm also high IQ (not that I think it means all that much tbh), my 20s were really quite pants really, been in a relationship for over a decade now but my life didn't really pick up until more recent years like I went back into academia and felt the rythym for work really click finally. Funny you should mention ADHD because I am autism and have ADHD too, or as the kids call it I'm AuDHD.Perhaps you fit both diagnosis too but one has been missed?As for calling people everyday I think wow you either have nothing on if you just want to blather for fun, or have a lot going on of interest to report to the other person every day. Like I am really close with my dear old Dad but he's retired and not doing much these days, and I'm busy with work, so he saves up stuff to talk about every fortnight or so and me too tbh because otherwise the call would be very short "what you been up to?" "same as yesterday really" very very boring when it's just business as usual to report to eachother. We're also not big telly watchers so it's not like we can say "did you see the ____ episode lastnight?" But then I am certain my dad is also autistic himself, so that works out just fine for us.Speaking of my dad he has a hard time accepting I have a diagnosis and hasn't accepted it since the 90s, it sounds like your parents might also have a similar issue, as I said I'm certain my dad is also autistic so when he says things like "nah you're perfectly normal" to me that's because I am normal to him, and maybe your parents are likewise uncomfortable with the actually offensive idea that someone somewhere at a now outdated time decided that the way of being they find normal is some dreaded "disorder".