Masking, or....?

This is interesting. 

I've found this the hardest concept to deal with too.

Some people do just mask less. Sometimes we are so used to doing it, especially if we are late diagnosed and have been doing it for a life time,it's hard for us to tell.

I'm slowly seeing a few things and ditching them. In other ways, maybe I've never masked. Over 50 odd years, I kinda got used to friends saying; "oh Dawn, that's wierd" and me saying; "yeah I know. But it's just an 'is'. What can I say?", with respect to a lot of stuff.

All I can say is I was never exactly super motivated to fit in. Since my diagnosis, I've become completely and totally disinterested in fitting in. Lol. Does that mean I'm making even less? Dunno! Ask my mates what they see.

OMG I have just listened to 5 minutes and found a new term - hyperlexia. My parents found it strange that I never had a 'baby talk' phase, I just went from not speaking to speaking very clearly. THIS IS SO AMAZING. 

Yes that video is long but worthwhile. This link should take you directly to the list of masking behaviours around 40 minutes in:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFCaoFX-pjg&t=2486s

Wow okay. This was a lot to take in. 

I identify with a huge number of those points. I tried listening to the YouTube clip but it is 1.5hrs and I simply don't have the ability to take that in. 

The list above though sounds 100% like me and I do all of these things. Thank you again. x

When I was newly diagnosed I assumed it was just a case of figuring out how and when I mask and then making a conscious decision to stop doing those things. However it's not that simple and we are not always aware of when we are masking.

A lot of masking and camouflaging behaviours actually start very early in childhood and happen on an unconscious level. This Kieran Rose video provides a good explanation:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFCaoFX-pjg

Another good resource explaining the types of behaviours is this one:

https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/13623613211026754

Autumn_Trees said:

SO by this standard, yes I mask all the time to fit in.

This is true of many autists and explains why so many feel exhausted by the end of the day when they have been acting constantly.

It is a common factor in burnout and in some cases meltdown when the energy required to maintain this - do the right type of masking at the right time and never let it slip - exceeds out ability to recharge.

Recharging normally takes the form of being authentic at home, stimming, following our special interests or sometimes just lying down, staring at the ceiling.

Throw in a few extra stressers - a difficult day at work, an inexpected confrontation on the commute home, breaking your phone, getting bad news etc and it can push us over the edge into burnout or meltdown that are much harder to get over.

This is why I advocate finding ways to control & dial down the masking if you can - it can save you from some nasty situations.

Okay okay okay, I get it so much more now. Iain you are so articulate and knowledgable on this subject! 

So every time I am denying my natural impulse to speak out, stim, etc I am masking. Similarly, if I force myself to hug or shake a strangers hand (I hate both) I am masking. 

SO by this standard, yes I mask all the time to fit in. Smile when I don't want to, make small talk when I hate it, ask about peoples days and stuff? All masking. My natural state is silent and on my own. 

This is very useful information and I appreciate your post so much. I am going to take a screenshot and use it to remind myself every time I wonder 'am I masking?'. 

I get you Tris.
It is one big mental maze with no exit.

Autumn_Trees said:

if I intentionally don't stim around people, I am masking, is that a good example? 

It is if you have to suppress the stim.

As is when you meet someone, force yourself to make eye contact and shake hands when you would rather look away and not touch those clammy, germ ridden hands.

Or when you are in a meeting and have to keep a straight face when you just want to wrinkle your nose, squeeze your eyes shut and make popping sounds with your mouth.

Where you modify your normal behaviour - that is your mask. By being different to what you want to do normally you are portraying a different, fake facet of yourself that takes energy to create & maintain.

Many autists report that it takes considerably less energy to reduce the level of masking they perform but only when the anxiety they feel by being their authentic selves is not overloading themselves.

Some of this drive to mask stems from low self confidence, some from trauma and some from a desire to "fit in" and be accepted. These are areas that need to be addressed to lower the anxiety and let us be authentic.

Squad.

NAS= National Assination Ssuad.

I don't think their powers extend that far.

Yeah but i do post some wacky links don't i ?
Pushing the boundaires is an understatement.
Have been waiting for NAS to send the S.A,S around my place.

Thank you Pegg,
another decent soul on here.

I also have a hard time relating to what's often said about masking. Like I'm sure my life would've been more exhausting but also more bearable if I'd been able to pass as a "normal" person at school and wherever, but I wouldn't even know where to start.

Aside from trying to be slightly more enthusiastic or outgoing in a few situations, I couldn't mask with any effectiveness any more than I could pick up a car. 

I don't think anybody hates you, but I would agree that maybe you are sometimes misunderstood. However, the same can probably be said for all of us at times. 

Def Leepard

If people hate you here I've seen none of it, indeed, you appear to be well liked. 

But it's true that I haven't been here long, so maybe what do I know, eh? 

I don't hate anybody, not you, either

Thank you Autumn.
I clicked quite early you are a decent Person.
Your posts prove that.
Thank you.

I don't hate you Def Leepard :) 

Okay so like, if I intentionally don't stim around people, I am masking, is that a good example?