Masking, or....?

Autumn_Trees said:

Can anyone explain how they view masking - then maybe I can relate?

Have you read the article about it on this site?

https://www.autism.org.uk/advice-and-guidance/professional-practice/autistic-masking

Masking may involve suppressing certain behaviours we find soothing but that others think are ‘weird’, such as stimming or intense interests. It can also mean mimicking the behaviour of those around us, such as copying non-verbal behaviours, and developing complex social scripts to get by in social situations. With this comes a great need to be like others, and to avoid the prejudice and judgement that comes with being ‘different’. 

If you can identify when you are changing behaviour in a social situation then you have the marker of when you are masking.

Okay so like, if I intentionally don't stim around people, I am masking, is that a good example? 

Okay so like, if I intentionally don't stim around people, I am masking, is that a good example? 

Autumn_Trees said:

SO by this standard, yes I mask all the time to fit in.

This is true of many autists and explains why so many feel exhausted by the end of the day when they have been acting constantly.

It is a common factor in burnout and in some cases meltdown when the energy required to maintain this - do the right type of masking at the right time and never let it slip - exceeds out ability to recharge.

Recharging normally takes the form of being authentic at home, stimming, following our special interests or sometimes just lying down, staring at the ceiling.

Throw in a few extra stressers - a difficult day at work, an inexpected confrontation on the commute home, breaking your phone, getting bad news etc and it can push us over the edge into burnout or meltdown that are much harder to get over.

This is why I advocate finding ways to control & dial down the masking if you can - it can save you from some nasty situations.

Okay okay okay, I get it so much more now. Iain you are so articulate and knowledgable on this subject! 

So every time I am denying my natural impulse to speak out, stim, etc I am masking. Similarly, if I force myself to hug or shake a strangers hand (I hate both) I am masking. 

SO by this standard, yes I mask all the time to fit in. Smile when I don't want to, make small talk when I hate it, ask about peoples days and stuff? All masking. My natural state is silent and on my own. 

This is very useful information and I appreciate your post so much. I am going to take a screenshot and use it to remind myself every time I wonder 'am I masking?'. 

Autumn_Trees said:

if I intentionally don't stim around people, I am masking, is that a good example? 

It is if you have to suppress the stim.

As is when you meet someone, force yourself to make eye contact and shake hands when you would rather look away and not touch those clammy, germ ridden hands.

Or when you are in a meeting and have to keep a straight face when you just want to wrinkle your nose, squeeze your eyes shut and make popping sounds with your mouth.

Where you modify your normal behaviour - that is your mask. By being different to what you want to do normally you are portraying a different, fake facet of yourself that takes energy to create & maintain.

Many autists report that it takes considerably less energy to reduce the level of masking they perform but only when the anxiety they feel by being their authentic selves is not overloading themselves.

Some of this drive to mask stems from low self confidence, some from trauma and some from a desire to "fit in" and be accepted. These are areas that need to be addressed to lower the anxiety and let us be authentic.