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Masking, or....?

Autumn_Trees
over 1 year ago

Hello folks :) 

I am part of a separate autism friendly group (on WhatsApp and Zoom) and recently we have been talking about masking but I am a bit too shy to say that....I don't really understand.

Like - am I supposed to be able to tell if I'm masking and if I'm not? The group organiser said some people just simply don't mask, so maybe I am one of those? I am very newly diagnosed so I'm still trying to get my head around all the terms and facts and stuff. 

Like, I can tell sometimes I am forcing eye contact or forcing a laugh or something, especially with new people, but with people like close family I feel just like I am kind of myself with - so I don't understand where the lines are?

Can anyone explain how they view masking - then maybe I can relate?

Thank you in advance for reading and/or replying. 

Parents
  • over 1 year ago

    When I was newly diagnosed I assumed it was just a case of figuring out how and when I mask and then making a conscious decision to stop doing those things. However it's not that simple and we are not always aware of when we are masking.

    A lot of masking and camouflaging behaviours actually start very early in childhood and happen on an unconscious level. This Kieran Rose video provides a good explanation:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFCaoFX-pjg

    Another good resource explaining the types of behaviours is this one:

    https://journals.sagepub.com/doi/10.1177/13623613211026754

    Masking
     Avoid or limit discussion related to oneself Avoiding or limiting time speaking about oneself or disclosing personal information (e.g. information about one’s relationship, financial status, daily activities, special interests or hobbies) 11 (64.7)
     Alter or reduce hand or arm movements Reducing the frequency or minimising the visibility of non-gesture hand movements, including fidgeting movements and stimming hand movements 8 (47.1)
     Avoid specific facts and detailed information Avoiding sharing factual, detailed or precise information 7 (41.2)
     Reduce body movements Reducing repetitive movements involving the torso, legs or entire body including rocking and fidgeting 3 (17.6)
     Avoid autism Avoiding disclosing one’s autism diagnosis or discussing the topic of autism 2 (11.8)
     Appearance Altering physical appearance to appear more conventional or typical 1 (5.9)
    Innocuous socialising
     Passive encouragement
      Eye contact Maintaining eye contact or maintaining the appearance of eye contact (i.e. looking at a social partner’s forehead, nose or mouth) 11 (64.7)
      Mirror Mirroring another person’s verbal (e.g. accent) or non-verbal behaviours (hand movements, body language, smile or facial expressions) 8 (47.1)
      Smile Smiling at others when speaking or listening 6 (35.3)
      Verbal minimal encouragers Using verbal minimal encouragers (e.g. ‘oh really’, ‘yes’, ‘yeah’ and ‘okay’) 5 (29.4)
      Laugh Laughing after one’s own or others’ statements 3 (17.6)
     Centring social partner
      Focus on social partner Guiding discussion to or maintaining discussion on topics of conversation that are related to one’s social partner or that may be of interest to one’s social partner 9 (52.9)
      Social partner guides conversation Allowing or relying on one’s social partner to guide topics of conversation 4 (23.5)
     Deferential engagement    
      Apologise for/justify social performance Apologise or provide excuses for perceived social errors or poor social performance 4 (23.5)
      Seek approval/permission Seeking approval, permission or validation from one’s conversational partner 4 (23.5)
      Be cooperative Avoiding confrontation or complaints and/or being cooperative, respectful and agreeable 2 (11.8)
     Reducing social risks
      Avoid causing offence or distress Avoiding words or remarks that could be perceived as rude, offensive, distressing or patronising 6 (35.3)
      Small talk Discussing typical ‘small talk’ topics such as the weather, commuting or weekend activities 6 (35.3)
      Avoid or limit honest, direct communication Avoiding or limiting honest or direct statements 4 (23.5)
      Avoid discussion of others’ personal and private lives Avoiding questions or topics of conversation related to more personal or private aspects of others’ lives (e.g. relationships, social activities or general life outside of work) 4 (23.5)
      Avoid controversy Avoiding or limiting discussion on topics of conversation that may generate controversy or debate 2 (11.8)
      Avoid appearing knowledgeable Avoiding appearing knowledgeable about specific topics or information 2 (11.8)
      Avoid jokes Avoid making jokes 1 (5.9)
    Modelling neurotypical communication
     Gestures Altering communicative gestures so these appear more like neurotypical gestures or increasing use of conventional gestures 12 (70.6)
     Body language Altering body language so this appears more like neurotypical body language 7 (41.2)
     Clear verbal communication Rephrasing or slowing speech, purposefully wording comments or providing clarifying comments 7 (41.2)
     Facial expressions Altering facial expressions so these appear more similar to neurotypical facial expressions 5 (29.4)
     Speech intonation Changing the tone of one’s voice or the emphasis placed on words to sound more conventional or typical 4 (23.5)
    Active self-presentation
     Reciprocal social behaviours
      Ask questions Asking one’s social partner questions 14 (82.4)
      Maintain and build conversation Commenting, providing elaborating information or otherwise talking in a way that builds or maintains a conversation 11 (64.7)
      Find and discuss points of commonality Establishing and discussing points of commonality with one’s social partner 11 (64.7)
      Keep balance between listening and talking Keeping an even balance between talking and listening 9 (52.9)
      Share factual information Sharing factual information (unrelated to oneself) with others 7 (41.2)
     Risky social behaviours
      Jokes and humorous anecdotes Making jokes or sharing humorous anecdotes 5 (29.4)
      Disclose personal information Disclosing information about ones’ education, employment, daily activities or relationships status 4 (23.5)
      Disclose weaknesses Discussing one’s perceived weaknesses, vulnerabilities or feelings of inadequacy 2 (11.8)
     Comfortable and familiar social behaviours
      Comfortable topics Discussing topics of conversations that one is knowledgeable about or interested in, finds easy or is comfortable discussing or have been received well by others in the past 12 (70.6)
      Scripts Use an established repertoire of phrases, comments, questions or anecdotes that are pre-planned or practiced, or have previously been well received by others 9 (52.9)
  • over 1 year ago in reply to Autonomistic

    Wow okay. This was a lot to take in. 

    I identify with a huge number of those points. I tried listening to the YouTube clip but it is 1.5hrs and I simply don't have the ability to take that in. 

    The list above though sounds 100% like me and I do all of these things. Thank you again. x

  • over 1 year ago in reply to Autumn_Trees

    Yes that video is long but worthwhile. This link should take you directly to the list of masking behaviours around 40 minutes in:

    https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=wFCaoFX-pjg&t=2486s

  • over 1 year ago in reply to Autonomistic

    OMG I have just listened to 5 minutes and found a new term - hyperlexia. My parents found it strange that I never had a 'baby talk' phase, I just went from not speaking to speaking very clearly. THIS IS SO AMAZING. 

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