Published on 12, July, 2020
I was diagnosed 2 weeks ago at the age of 31 and I definitely wasn’t expecting this huge sense of imposter syndrome!
What I find confusing is my issues didn’t really start to come to light until I was 17/18 and started having panic attacks (they generally happened in busy environments or around flashing lights). After that it was down hill from there and my ability to function just got worse and worse.
Prior to that though I was so good at hiding the things that made me anxious and I never really shared my emotions. I don’t recall having panic attacks and coped reasonably well with flashing lights etc. While especially in my teen years I always felt different for no particular reason, I still managed to get by with no obvious issues.
I did stim as a child and teen but very subtly (scalp picking, picking the skin around my nails, swinging on chairs, smelling things, rubbing my feet together when in bed, dancing, moving about a lot etc) but as I went into adulthood and I became more educated about stims I definitely started doing more obvious stims (rocking, ticing, singing, swaying from side to side, rolling of the eyes, nose scrunching etc) I sometimes feel I started doing them due to being influenced. Yet I now can’t stop doing them because they make me feel so much happier. This whole thing is confusing to me.
Why do you think a lot of adults who get diagnosed late seem to have got by with no obvious signs until something big happens to them as they get older? Why do you think as we get older we can’t seem to cope as well? I would love to know other people’s thoughts on this because it blows my mind that I had this my whole life yet managed to get by and function.....
I was only diagnosed at 50 (and diagnosed as bipolar at 53). It wasn't really a case of anything big happening to me though. I was sent for some counselling (I have had counselling of one form or another off and on since I was 26 (?) ) and after two initial diagnosis sessions it was the counsellor who said she couldn't help me because she thought I was autistic. I must admit I then pursued a diagnosis as much to prove the counsellor wrong although in the process came round to accepting that I probably was autistic and more to the point my dad had definitely been autistic. the diagnosis explained a lot of areas and things I had struggled with during my life up to that point - arguably this has been one of the main benefits I have obtained from my diagnosis. i personally don't think I cope any worse than I did when i was younger although I am discriminated against a lot more as I get older both on grounds of my age and because of my autism and bipolar - unfortunately because of the gaps in my cv I have to disclose my conditions to explain the gaps but as soon as I disclose my conditions I rarely hear further from employers.