Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello,
I just got my formal diagnosis for Autism this morning at the age of 40.
I feel so mixed up and never felt more confused my life! I have a massive sense of relief, that now finally something explains why I struggle with things as much as I do and why I react to things in a certain way. I feel angry that no one (myself included) recognised it sooner, that I’ve struggled so much, even ending up hospitalised in a psychiatric ward, and no one there even considered autism as a diagnosis, that my parents never recognised it in me or my teachers. I feel scared about what this now means for the future, about whether to tell people, how I move forward from this. I feel numb. I feel sad that this is my life and resent the diagnosis. I feel like I want to shout it from the rooftops, and also tell not a soul. I feel like I need to research every single thing even more than I have already. I feel like celebrating and crying all at the same time.
I just wondered if this was a ‘normal’ response to getting a diagnosis? How did other people feel? What did you do next?
Hello Sloan, welcome to the forum, you are amongst folk who understand you here.
Oh Yes! Your response is a very common one, especially amongst the more mature.. I was diagnosed three and a half years ago aged 67 so completely understand you. 'Why wasn't it picked up earlier?' we all ask. Many of us here have been under NHS mental health teams from time to time for years - decades in fact, but for most of us there was no mention of ASD, just anxiety disorders and depression.
I have yet to disclose my diagnosis to anyone except the members of this forum, and I feel fine about it. Of course, others will have been in the same position and maybe disclosed much earlier, but I'm happy with things as they are at the moment; there is no rush... I shall always be autistic.
My advice is to take your time, don't charge at it, wait until you've come to terms with the diagnosis, you may feel differently about it in twelve months' time. Read this forum and read books on autism, carry on researching as it suits you, and ask your questions here; if you don't get answers you will at least get some understanding.
Ben
I can’t imagine how it must feel to be diagnosed at that age. I feel like everything I feel would be even more intensified. Im glad you now finally have answers for yourself. I think you’re right, to take my time and figure things out. My instant reaction feels like i need to do something now and act on it. But waiting and letting things maybe make more sense is a good plan. thank you