Published on 12, July, 2020
Hello, first post but need some advice/help.
Going through the assessment and need to get my parents to complete the informant pre-assessment form but I am having a lot of stress trying to figure out how to tell them I'm going through this process and need them involved. I have a good relationship with them but I can only imagine them taking it badly if I don't get it right.
Do any notes or templates exist online that I could use? Or do you guys have any tips that made it easier if you involved your parents?
I think that your parents will need some time to consider the span of your childhood, it’s important to let them know that it is not a reflection of their parenting, but rather an acknowledgement of the neurological root factors of any development issues. It’s important to introduce the concepts of: the triad of social impairments, repetitive and restrictive behaviours, and sensory anomalies..
They need to consider your childhood in relation to this.. they also need the consider that limited-capacities may not have been reached until a certain stage of development but anomalies were still present.
It’s also important not to lead them or ask them to do what they don’t feel comfortable with, they just need to know that they are not looking through a psychological-lens, but a neurological one.. impairments and manifested-behaviours.
‘An Adult with an Autism Diagnosis’ by Gillian Drew. Is a nice introduction to this conversation.
This is useful, particularly framing it as neurological and not psychological, thank you. My worry has been that they might feel judged about their parenting, particularly as I'm aware that they've always been extra worried about me and I've not understood why. The very idea that I'm struggling I think might be difficult enough - they know I've had problems but it's not something we've ever properly talked about. And the same is true vice versa, if my parents have had a problem it's mostly been kept quiet beyond a brief acknowledgement rather than a proper discussion. It's a lot to juggle and I can't find a starting point. Maybe I just need to jump in?
It also might open up the idea that they could be autistic too which might be hard to get their head around. What is seemingly normal behaviour within a family becomes pathologised. I don't want to scare you but I think it's good to consider different variables!
If I wouldve shown that list to my parents above they wouldve run a mile. The diagnostic language of autism is heavily deficit based. Bear in mind you parents probably don't / may not see you as having such "profound", difficulties.