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Uncomfortable feeling when thinking back on childhood

NAS88689

Is it normal to feel a weird sense of discomfort when thinking back on my childhood? 

When thinking back on it as a whole I can see that I was a relatively happy kid, and if I don’t think too deeply I can look back fondly. My memory is very much split into different ‘chapters’ of my childhood. There are quite a few of them that if I try to think about properly and kind of ‘shoot myself back there’, I get a very uncomfortable feeling that makes me wary and it’s like my brain shuts it off and won’t let me sit there for too long.

I do have some past childhood trauma but they were in completely different chapters of my childhood, so I don’t understand why I feel so uncomfortable.

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  • I was a relatively unhappy kid. Had friends occasionally, but never anything long lasting until age 11.

    Bullying (physical and emotional) was a major factor in my childhood and teens. I was always a bit of an outsider and considered odd by most of my peers.

    For much of my childhood I felt I must have been adopdted, as I didn't seem to fit in anywhere.

    It's only now, after being diagnosed in my late 40s, that I understand Autism was the common factor.

  • in reply to OAP - Older Autistic Person

    OAP, you describe my own childhood experience with the exception of bullying (I was always the biggest in my class). I always felt to be the unloved child --- the accidental birth --- born nine years after my brother. I'm certain my autism played its role.

    However, every crowd has a troublemaker who just has to "try it on"  Thankfully for me, that did not often happen. I too had a very late diagnosis (age 76)  Up to six years ago I lived next door to a neighbour who was a bully to his wife and only son. He tried to emotionally goad me but got nowhere. I just blanked him --- I'm good at that. He died six years ago. My new neighbour has become a friend but with certain reservations I am willing to overlook.---- heaven knows I have my own reservations. I'm certainly in no position to cast judgements.

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  • in reply to OAP - Older Autistic Person

    OAP, you describe my own childhood experience with the exception of bullying (I was always the biggest in my class). I always felt to be the unloved child --- the accidental birth --- born nine years after my brother. I'm certain my autism played its role.

    However, every crowd has a troublemaker who just has to "try it on"  Thankfully for me, that did not often happen. I too had a very late diagnosis (age 76)  Up to six years ago I lived next door to a neighbour who was a bully to his wife and only son. He tried to emotionally goad me but got nowhere. I just blanked him --- I'm good at that. He died six years ago. My new neighbour has become a friend but with certain reservations I am willing to overlook.---- heaven knows I have my own reservations. I'm certainly in no position to cast judgements.

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