Published on 12, July, 2020
I have long wondered if I could be/ am on the spectrum but have always brushed it off for various reasons. I will add that I think I likely am in between your average person but not so far that it has a massive impact on my life. I’m 37, and so it’s more of a wonder rather than a ‘need’ for diagnosis. It will just be a ‘ah, that makes sense’ acknowledgement for me so the potential 3 year wait/ shun from the NHS, or the £2000 private confirmation isn’t worthwhile for me. So here I am to ask those in the know.
I don’t particularly struggle socially, though I do prefer my own company at times. Often needing my own space in order to level out. The question on the Autism questionnaires is also too vague when it asks about being social. It gives no context at all. Am I having a pint with my best mate?, at home?, at a pub?, am I at a concert for a band I do not like? The answers for a lot of the questions are variable.
I don’t struggle to read people, so do not miss when people are unhappy/ bored etc. In fact, it’s quite the opposite. I think I notice even the smallest change in tone, expression, body language and also vocabulary. On the topic of vocabulary, I have been told I am too literal and I do struggle with this.
The areas I do ‘struggle’ with are as follows.
I’m told I am TOO literal. Ironically the word ‘literally’ being one of the many I dislike/ correct the use of (they mean ‘literally’ figuratively). Why don’t people say what they mean? (Or mean what they say)
I struggle to comprehend how people can think/ speak/ behave at times. An example of this is being in a bad mood and taking it out on someone who did not cause the bad mood. I don’t see how it’s so hard not to do this? If I’m in a bad mood I will isolate myself so I cannot take it out on anyone else. I see this as proactive/ the adult thing to do.
‘Unnecessary’ noise. I’m ok with loud noises/ (my own) music, but I cannot stand what I would term ‘unnecessary noice’ this would be revving a motorbike, bogs barking for no reason, neighbours music etc. My partner says that it’s ‘just me’ that doesn’t like it, and it’s tolerable to everyone else?
I’m ‘too blunt’. I detest liars, and so think that honesty is the best policy. I wouldn’t say anything I know to be mean or nasty, but I again find it hard to comprehend why people feel the need to lie about things.
I’m more logic over emotion. Crying cover spilt milk doesn’t stop it being spilt, and so you might as well just clan it up. That’s not to say the loss of a loved one wouldn’t upset me, but I am definitely more logical than I am emotional.
I struggle with mess, and feel if my environment is messy, my ‘mind is messy’ and I cannot think straight. I do get a dopamine hit from tidying/ things being tidy and organised. I also love symmetry, things to be square (90 degrees) and level, and will 100% notice if they’re not (to my own dismay)
I struggle to sit still, and like to keep my mind occupied. If I have an outstanding task, I cannot settle which can lead to me pacing back and forth (as can my mind being messy until I formulate a plan of action)
I’m sure there are more indicators that I cannot think of now so I’m going to keep a ‘diary’ of these things when I think of them.
I will finally add that when I was a teenager my parents said they were going to have me tested for ADHD, and fearing having a label I decided to mask certain behaviours, so I wouldn’t pace as much etc. but internally my mind was still racing. Not sure how relevant any of this is, but I thought I’d ask and see what others experiences are.
From contacting my GP to getting my diagnosis it was exactly 1 year, but within that year I sat on the paperwork required to progress the process for 3-4 months because it wasn't a good time for me. If I had done the paperwork in March when I received it the whole thing would have been quicker.
The key is telling the doctor you want the 'right to choose' because otherwise you'll just sit on the normal waiting list indefinitely. By saying this it triggers a different process where you're sent to a private mental health assessment company on the NHS dime.
You mentioned it's a 'long time to fight' but for me there was no fight, just some long periods without hearing anything - after the referral is made you can just forget about it until the paperwork comes through, it was all pretty simple.
Good luck with everything and thanks again for posting!
I get the ‘imposter syndrome’ too.
It’s a tough one for me. I don’t want to say ‘I might have’ or ‘I might be on the spectrum’ if I’m not. But equally it would explain a number of things. Two years is a long time to fight. I’ll give it some thought.
Thank you for taking the time to reply. I’ve always talked myself out of ‘being on the spectrum’ for various reasons but mostly due to the social side. Like you I’m happy to socialise if it’s within my interests/ and with company I enjoy ( though these are few )
How long did it take you to get assessment and then diagnosis?
To both Autumn Trees and OP - so much of what you have said rings true with me [I am awaiting assessment].
I love having my music very loud. I like to "feel" the music. I like all sorts of music, but over the past couple of years have gotten into hardstyle / frenchcore (not to everyone's taste!). BUT noise created by others such as their choice of music, neighbour's dog barking, the sound of the vacuum cleaner (unless it is me using it), so many things really get me triggered,
I too am very blunt. I say things how I see them....crossing the "PC" line at times.
Everyone hates the "grammar police" (did I even spell that correctly?), but do resist the temptation [read - compulsion] to correct people. On this one occasion I simply cannot resist to flag the OP "bogs barking" ;o) No offense intended and there's probably a bucket load of irony in that there will be typos in this very reply!
I don't suffer fools gladly, yet I am often probably the biggest fool around!
I am very logical - I need to be in my line of work (IT). I'm not much of an emotional person, but the past few years have stretched my emotional resilience to the limit (to the point of being sectioned 3 times). You probably wouldn't be surprised when I say that I don't (cannot) do empathy.
My advice would be to get assessed if that's what you want, but understand that it can be an uphill struggle to get into the system and even then, the waiting list is usually long - I was told ~2 years wait when I was accepted for assessment earlier this year.
You'll probably be asked why you want to be assessed - I was by multiple different healthcare professionals. Certainly worthwhile giving it some thought and be prepared if / when asked. For me it starts with "validation" - to be "officially" diagnosed and then take it from there. At times I feel a little embarrassed to say that I might have ASD - not because I am embarrassed by ASD, but the fact that I don't "officially" have ASD. I don't want to be seen as making excuses or pretending to have ASD.
Best Wishes :o)
Hi there,
I'm not going to pretend I can diagnose you, because I can't, but a few things you have said ring true for me and I am diagnosed with both ADHD and autism.
Too blunt/too logical/too literal/disliking silly noise/issues with cleanliness and tidyness/sitting still/issues with people not telling the truth all sound like me.
I can be sociable too, but I like it to be on my own terms eg. place, time, company of my choosing. I dislike loud big groups or spaces with too many people talking at once, it makes me feel overwhelmed and out of place.
I too am very perceptive, so I can tell often if I've said or done the wrong thing (by tone, intonation, etc) but it is often too late as I will have already said the wrong thing.
Overall I think it can't hurt to ask for a diagnosis, if you think it will help you - approach your GP and tell them right away that you want to take a 'right to choose' pathway, this will expedite your NHS referral and you'll be seen privately on the NHS dime. This usually takes 4-12 months as long as you stay on top of your paperwork.
Thanks for posting and do keep joining in/coming back if you find this a useful safe place to express how you're feeling :)