Published on 12, July, 2020
In my case, many have told me that I have made them feel uncomfortable so I've really had to look at myself.
I've never intended to, but I think me being so closed off emotionally (masking perhaps) plus a lot of bad habits didn't really help. I've spilled my guts to people I didn't know very well, and have probed people for personal info sometimes. I regret all of that and am a lot more aware of how I come across, as well as what's appropriate and what's not.
I started looking at how Ed Sheeran speaks and conducts himself in interviews. He'll be the first to admit that he's not the most expressive man in the world but I always think he has a coolness and swagger when he speaks and I wish I had that, but I'm basically masking if I try and emulate him.
The people who used to be in my life would probably describe me as quite expressive sometimes, even though my sense of humour has always been quite dry (another something which doesn't help perhaps?).
I guess it's just about finding that confidence.
I suppose on reflection I'm acutely aware of making eye contact with others - or more accurately, not making eye contact with them. I find it uncomfortable. I have learned, over time, how to do it - and I always hope that I will be good enough at doing it that I won't stand out.
I'm not very good at it though, it always feels like a conscious effort, or forced, even.
I think my poor ability to make or maintain eye contact gives people a wrong impression. From this small thing, people make character judgements, it seems to me, and have often have decided that I am arrogant, rude, and dishonest. Without ever having a conversation with me,, or anything. I've had that a lot, that I'm 'hiding something'.
Hmm, well, that isn't me at all.
I suppose I am conscious of making eye contact. It's very hard to know exactly how to do it so that it doesn't seem unnatural.
I'm a bit funny with it. I can look at you when you're speaking to me but not the opposite. I can do it in small doses.
Yes...that is me in essence too, although with a bit of nuance....ie
If I have something meaningful or profound to say, 98% of the time I can't look at the person I am talking to....even if I'm close to that person and have full trust. It's because I would loose my train of thought / words.
In the 2% of instances where I am delivering something meaningful or profound, and I find myself drawn to look directly at them, I am told that it is too intense for comfort.....and it also normally makes me feel emotional too.
If I'm just talking with an NT / NPC or anyone about nothing important, my eye contact is "perfectly acted" at "normal" levels I believe. I can behave very normally with "fluff" encounters.
Like you, I never have difficulty looking directly at someone who is taking to me...and again, I am often accused of this being too intense.