Published on 12, July, 2020
In my case, many have told me that I have made them feel uncomfortable so I've really had to look at myself.
I've never intended to, but I think me being so closed off emotionally (masking perhaps) plus a lot of bad habits didn't really help. I've spilled my guts to people I didn't know very well, and have probed people for personal info sometimes. I regret all of that and am a lot more aware of how I come across, as well as what's appropriate and what's not.
I started looking at how Ed Sheeran speaks and conducts himself in interviews. He'll be the first to admit that he's not the most expressive man in the world but I always think he has a coolness and swagger when he speaks and I wish I had that, but I'm basically masking if I try and emulate him.
The people who used to be in my life would probably describe me as quite expressive sometimes, even though my sense of humour has always been quite dry (another something which doesn't help perhaps?).
I guess it's just about finding that confidence.
I am... fairly conscious of how I come across to others, yes. Not from being told directly, but from the way people have treated me and the things they've said that eventually got back to me.
I know that people who are inclined to think the worst of others and/or who are very keen for everyone to conform find me aloof and condescending. I don't really know why, and I don't understand how I can be condescending if I'm not talking to people! But those are things I've been told- the NT assumption seems to be that if I keep myself to myself it's because I think I'm better than everyone else, and if I give people info to try and be helpful it must be because I think I'm smarter than everyone else. Neither of those things is true. I just try to be helpful, get completely misunderstood, and then shy away from trying to interact any more.
I know that people often judge me by the way I dress too- the combination of all-black clothing, tattoos, dyed hair, and this 'thinks she's better than everyone else' vibe I'm apparently giving off tends to make people think of me as 'the scary witch lady'. In my university halls of residence, the other girls with rooms near mine called me Scary Mary (my name's not Mary lol) and it was really hurtful to me because I wasn't doing anything scary, I just looked different to them and listened to different music. It's not like I was sacrificing bunnies on the kitchen table!
I have to say though, at this point in my life I don't care any more if 'normal' people think of me this badly. If they're making negative assumptions about my intent based on nothing but 'vibes' that's entirely on them, I'm not responsible for their feelings. As long as the people whose opinions I actually value are trying to understand, that's all that matters.
Great post battybats..
I have often experienced similar - if you don't talk you're condemned as aloof, superior, condescending, standoffish..
If you do talk.. pretty much the same..
How do you win?
No clue. I've given up trying to fit in, finally I can't be someone I'm not.
I am honest and try always to act with integrity and kindness - that will have to do.
And if it isn't enough for some people- oh well...
I would be fine with the world if integrity and kindness was all they were asking for, but they always have to follow-up by demanding loyalty and conformity, they always have to as for more..
Good for you Battybats!
It's hard to be yourself sometimes, but worth it..
Well...
There are different sorts of loyalty, and different degrees...
Loyalty to a person (including animals here) I perceive as a generally positive thing in my own life, probably because I am very loyal to those I care about...
Personal loyalty is based around personal relationships, of varying sorts and degrees and may be both organic and evolutionary in its process...
That was unintentionally verbose...
Anyway..
Loyalty to an idea seems to lend itself to rigidity, perhaps because the idea is itself rigid.
It's loyalty to a fixed set of ideas, usually...
Then you're moving in the direction of faith..
But no faith can survive without loyalty..
I think I've digressed!
In the police they have a phrase, that is little-enjoyed but well-considered, ‘When you join the police they ask for ask integrity, when you are in the police they demand your loyalty’.
So I suppose that loyalty in and of itself isn’t a bad thing, but it can be turned to bad-ends and can be blinding in its extremes, so over a life-lived with loyalty-demanding-types.
I find that people have no need for loyalty if they just do the right-thing whilst no one is watching, if someone is doing the wrong-thing and demands that you cover them, they may not be deserving of loyalty in its demanding. Obviously their are exceptional circumstances, but I have found those circumstances to be the exception, such as in instances of malice or faith..
I agree with you, Pegg- loyalty is great but needs to be earned. I don't think I'd manage to conform even if I tried, so I just don't bother!
Loyalty is important I think, but it has to be earned and you feel it, or you don't. Conformity... hopefully we get to a place in society where there is less requirement for rigid conformity, generally speaking..