Published on 12, July, 2020
In my case, many have told me that I have made them feel uncomfortable so I've really had to look at myself.
I've never intended to, but I think me being so closed off emotionally (masking perhaps) plus a lot of bad habits didn't really help. I've spilled my guts to people I didn't know very well, and have probed people for personal info sometimes. I regret all of that and am a lot more aware of how I come across, as well as what's appropriate and what's not.
I started looking at how Ed Sheeran speaks and conducts himself in interviews. He'll be the first to admit that he's not the most expressive man in the world but I always think he has a coolness and swagger when he speaks and I wish I had that, but I'm basically masking if I try and emulate him.
The people who used to be in my life would probably describe me as quite expressive sometimes, even though my sense of humour has always been quite dry (another something which doesn't help perhaps?).
I guess it's just about finding that confidence.
I suppose on reflection I'm acutely aware of making eye contact with others - or more accurately, not making eye contact with them. I find it uncomfortable. I have learned, over time, how to do it - and I always hope that I will be good enough at doing it that I won't stand out.
I'm not very good at it though, it always feels like a conscious effort, or forced, even.
I think my poor ability to make or maintain eye contact gives people a wrong impression. From this small thing, people make character judgements, it seems to me, and have often have decided that I am arrogant, rude, and dishonest. Without ever having a conversation with me,, or anything. I've had that a lot, that I'm 'hiding something'.
Hmm, well, that isn't me at all.
I suppose I am conscious of making eye contact. It's very hard to know exactly how to do it so that it doesn't seem unnatural.
I think that eye-contact is an skill that I actively-use, I don’t passively look at others or need to, so for me trying to maintain eye-contact over time is multi-tasking.
If I’m trying to look into my minds-eye and the small-talkers eye at the same time, it takes a tremendous-amount of energy to keep doing both, to a degree that the other person can be appeased.
Sometimes it is just a reasonable-adjustment for the other person, to manage the appeasements by overlooking or take-care-of the niceties, so that I can stay in flow..
And people are so surprised when I overload, by saying that I am 0-90 in a second, but I’m not I’ve just been picking up the slack to well for them to notice, and then they’re surprised that the tax is due..
Social exposure, being over-peopled... it's because it takes a conscious effort all the time, it's exhausting...
Remote comms, much less stressful..