Published on 12, July, 2020
In my case, many have told me that I have made them feel uncomfortable so I've really had to look at myself.
I've never intended to, but I think me being so closed off emotionally (masking perhaps) plus a lot of bad habits didn't really help. I've spilled my guts to people I didn't know very well, and have probed people for personal info sometimes. I regret all of that and am a lot more aware of how I come across, as well as what's appropriate and what's not.
I started looking at how Ed Sheeran speaks and conducts himself in interviews. He'll be the first to admit that he's not the most expressive man in the world but I always think he has a coolness and swagger when he speaks and I wish I had that, but I'm basically masking if I try and emulate him.
The people who used to be in my life would probably describe me as quite expressive sometimes, even though my sense of humour has always been quite dry (another something which doesn't help perhaps?).
I guess it's just about finding that confidence.
I am very conscious of how I come across to others.
While I'm moving through the world I have a running commentary in my head like "Make eye contact, not too long, look away sometimes" and "am I talking too much? Am I not talking enough? Should I say something?" of if I make a joke I'm immediately plagued with "Was that a dumb thing to say? are people laughing at me?" it goes on and on. I find being alone easier for that reason because there are fewer variables and less to worry about.
I relate to your comments here and wonder what people think of me or if I said the wrong thing or too much.
Yep, I do exactly this. I hate constantly asking for reassurance from the other person that I might not need to do that, but I feel like I'm being difficult.