Published on 12, July, 2020
In my case, many have told me that I have made them feel uncomfortable so I've really had to look at myself.
I've never intended to, but I think me being so closed off emotionally (masking perhaps) plus a lot of bad habits didn't really help. I've spilled my guts to people I didn't know very well, and have probed people for personal info sometimes. I regret all of that and am a lot more aware of how I come across, as well as what's appropriate and what's not.
I started looking at how Ed Sheeran speaks and conducts himself in interviews. He'll be the first to admit that he's not the most expressive man in the world but I always think he has a coolness and swagger when he speaks and I wish I had that, but I'm basically masking if I try and emulate him.
The people who used to be in my life would probably describe me as quite expressive sometimes, even though my sense of humour has always been quite dry (another something which doesn't help perhaps?).
I guess it's just about finding that confidence.
Nah! Nope.
I do try. But I don't think I am conscious of how others perceive me a lot of the time. I generally haven't got a clue and couldn't guess. On the rare occasions I find out, I'm either shocked or surprised..
That's probably why I don't have any friends...
It's a funny one because I'm extremely conscious a lot of the time, but then there's other times someone has been like "you seem a bit withdrawn" and I didn't even realise it.
I think it must be common for ND people to be told they're 'withdrawn when they may not be at all. It's an interpretation of NT people in my own experience, along with 'aloof' and 'unapproachable'
I laugh at myself because it's easy to do - but in all seriousness, I've spent untold hours worrying about what I've done/said wrong in countless situations which required human interaction.
I try not to tie myself in knots over it any more, I don't have the energy!
In that particular case it was a friend looking out for me, but I see what you mean. I've had loads of other instances of people saying I'm really quiet but not following it up with anything, so it just frustrates me instead.
I regret not utilising the support systems I had to stop worrying about all that stuff when I'm around them. Asking them to assure me it's a no judgement zone etc.