Published on 12, July, 2020
HI I recently was waiting for the bus to come fetch me home from the gymnasium. It is always on time.
But this time it was over one and a half hours late. I got more and more agitated, sitting by the door of the Gym.
I was in this public place and didn't feel safe just cutting loose. But once the bus did come i just kind of lost it a bit, asking the driver why over and over, just being told that it just was was.
Then after boarding, very tense, I was told there would be 2 MORE additional stops and I just lost it. banging the window and kicking. I'm in my bloody 60s!
This hasn't happened in many decades. This isn't "like me.", whoever that is. It's "out of character" -- and so it is that Ive been acting out a character with a mask.
Recently, I have been delighted and horrified (as seen above) with myself more than a few times recently as I take the audience away and just abide in the truth of my nature.
I've been trying to let the mask down a little at a time in public now to find that authentic self again
and I see more and more what this iron-fisted control and the mask of self censure has been damping down.
The driver was a tad freaked out, another person on the bus just laughed. This laughing ,oddly, helped
and brought me back. I did the breathing and slipped the mask back on in under a minute. then came the apologies.
I'm working on managing these unexpected changes in myself and in my
experiences from a less masked but more gracious balance. I may seek some help on this. ..
See ?You Surprised yourself didn't you ?Liberating or what ?Nice one !