Published on 12, July, 2020
Im off for the summer now and really struggling in that I've been in a complete state of inertia for nearly a week. What's also in the mix is a chronic fatigue-like health scenario. Sometimes the boundaries are blurred but if I were to put my finger on it, I'd say this is more AS related because I've been here time and again. I can't get going with anything for love nor money. I've got plenty of things to be doing but can't start and don't know how to. I need a project to get my teeth into (of which is covered on the "things to be doing") but in my head I know it won't get finished if I start. I'm resorting to engaging with an interest but I've reached peak saturation on that. I'm flim flamming around and haven't got the attention to stick to anything (which I don't know if this is CFS related but I've experienced this before although it seems to be worse now). I don't know if I'm in some sort of emotional burnout because I haven't experienced this stuckness for quite a while. What also adds is a sense that - I can't tell what my expectations of myself should be. When the fatigue is really thick, I know how to pace, but when I'm in this middle ground I don't know what to do but I see this more as autistic inertia. It's also the fact that I see others are able to structure their time off but I can't and I don't know if I'm putting pressure on myself to be a certain way. I've asked for help with one thing and with other things could do with a bit of "shadowing" to motivate me but the obvious person to ask is busy working more than me and has their own stuff to do.
I dont want to get ahead...but the ship has righted itself and the sails are on their way up once again.
I'm posting this as a reminder to myself.
Good news
I just managed to plant a stinging nettle and a buddleia.
2 buddleias to go.
There's no stopping us now.
Deleted user said:I just managed to plant a stinging nettle and a buddleia. 2 buddleias to go.
Update.
The stinging nettle wasn't a happy bunny where it was planted (shady spot).
It did however spawn children that have grown in unwanted places, as stinging nettles do, and attacked me more than once.
1 bud died, 3 remain and have had a few of the few butterflies that appear to still exist on them this year.
I've been rampant with white cabbage caterpillars this year. Trouble is once they've snaffled everything, I don't know where they go. So I don't know if they'll survive.
You can make plant dye out of nettles.