Published on 12, July, 2020
Im off for the summer now and really struggling in that I've been in a complete state of inertia for nearly a week. What's also in the mix is a chronic fatigue-like health scenario. Sometimes the boundaries are blurred but if I were to put my finger on it, I'd say this is more AS related because I've been here time and again. I can't get going with anything for love nor money. I've got plenty of things to be doing but can't start and don't know how to. I need a project to get my teeth into (of which is covered on the "things to be doing") but in my head I know it won't get finished if I start. I'm resorting to engaging with an interest but I've reached peak saturation on that. I'm flim flamming around and haven't got the attention to stick to anything (which I don't know if this is CFS related but I've experienced this before although it seems to be worse now). I don't know if I'm in some sort of emotional burnout because I haven't experienced this stuckness for quite a while. What also adds is a sense that - I can't tell what my expectations of myself should be. When the fatigue is really thick, I know how to pace, but when I'm in this middle ground I don't know what to do but I see this more as autistic inertia. It's also the fact that I see others are able to structure their time off but I can't and I don't know if I'm putting pressure on myself to be a certain way. I've asked for help with one thing and with other things could do with a bit of "shadowing" to motivate me but the obvious person to ask is busy working more than me and has their own stuff to do.
I dont want to get ahead...but the ship has righted itself and the sails are on their way up once again.
I'm posting this as a reminder to myself.
Good news
I just managed to plant a stinging nettle and a buddleia.
2 buddleias to go.
There's no stopping us now.
You don't half make me chuckle sometimes Debbie. Even though you probably don't mean to! Having said that, I exclaimed rather loudly last week when I happened upon my own self seeded stinging nettle in the garden.
Anyway the wildlife will thank you!
YES!! Excellent. I watched it for just a *bit* too long. It's definitely going to be in my head when I next go outside. Oh and I loved the mime dancing at the beginning.
Ain't no stopping us now
We got the weeds