Life is hard

Emmy said:

I wish there was proper support out there for autism

I have an open question for those contributing here:

What support do you think you want / need?

I agree there is a lack of support services for adults, especially those of us with relatively low support needs.

The solution is probably to use a forum (like this one) to build up some online services to help ourselves. We may even be able to apply for grant money (lottery etc) for this but we first need to work out what it should look like?

Any ideas to throw into the ring?

I was going to suggest setting up workshops via a zoom call for things like:

- how to manage anxiety

- ideas to get / keep a job

- ideas to make friends and understand the "social code"

Socially there may be space for resources for finding clubs in our special interest areas, book reviews about autism and related subjects (ADHD, alexithymia etc) and maybe classes from anyone with a special interest that would be up for sharing more high level info about their hobby.

This forum is still the best solution for specific questions in my opinion as it remains a searchable resource for others to reference.

Any other ideas?

I get the impression that a lot of people on the spectrum, especially with low support needs, are looking for some sort of in-person social group where they can feel accepted and understood and where they can support each other with issues, pretty much like this forum but in person. 

I get the impression that a lot of people on the spectrum, especially with low support needs, are looking for some sort of in-person social group where they can feel accepted and understood and where they can support each other with issues, pretty much like this forum but in person. 

IrishInManchesterUK said:

it can therefore only be concluded that the LGBT “community” are (deeply) hypocritical when it comes to people with autism 

I think this is also a generational issue - the older generations like us have had to deal with autism without support (and often without even knowing we were autistic) and have taken to masking / scripting to be like the rest in denouncing the newer, more readily supported generation as snowflakes / needy etc.

It may also be because we are detracting from the LGBT focus for recognition by "stealing their thunder" or "muddying the waters".

In spite of what social media seems to show, I think we are becoming a more accepting society but it takes the likes of you and I to stand up and call out those trying to diminish us, whether for our sexuality or the way our mind is wired.

As an older gay man with autism myself, it is absolutely criminal that those with autism have faced huge prejudice and discrimination from (within) the LGBT “community” - given that many LGBT’s are known to have autism and vice versa, from people who should know better, we face huge intolerance, prejudice, discrimination, lack of acceptance, discriminatory attitudes, all the very things that LGBT’s want and loudly demand from everyone else - it can therefore only be concluded that the LGBT “community” are (deeply) hypocritical when it comes to people with autism 

Looks like NAS deleted my example which simply was an ASD meeting on Zoom---some people!

This could be an example of a solution to those who would rather not engage face to face

And that my friends is EXACTLY why I started doing "Zoom Film night"!

I figured that for the really socially disadvantaged a "Virtual Venue" where you could participate exactly as much or as little as you chose would be helpful to some. 

I (initially) picked the best, most "universally appealing" films that I knew of, although of late it's taken a distinctly Masculine turn to suit the actual audience that I have.

But there was ALMOST zero demand for it...

The irony being, that since I am personally fairly unreliable I got a more reliable friend to give me a call to make sure I start on time, and HE sure likes film night... So for the last six months I've been running it for a single person, who is not a member of this forum and certainly is NOT socially disadvantaged!. 

This week, tomorrow at six O'Clock, I shall be showing (and viewing) film 1 in the "Robocop" trilogy. Next week will (probably) be either "A for andromeda" or "2001 a space odyssey"... 

I think I'm managing around 90% reliability when it comes to hitting my start time, but I tend to ignore the times when I've started a few minutes (within five) late, otherwise it'd probably be closer to 10% reliable.... 

Like you touch on, a lot of us might find the face to face meet up difficult. I am 'ok' in some social situations , like many others prefer 1to1 or very small group of 3 or 4. I think a lot of us would probably struggle with the unstructured nature of something like that so maybe a meet up with something else as the main theme, like coming for food and drink and having things to do like board games or something a long those lines where the emphasis is less on the meeting and more the other thing (whatever that may be) to take the pressure off. Or even in a similar vein special interest groups.

I really don't know to be honest i don't think one thing could work for everyone. Some people may feel lonely no matter what they try. 

I guess i just wish there was more awareness of it. I get the impression that someone having no friends is an unheard of concept and i find that painful

Thinking about practical solutions for this, how would we be able to do find friends, especially kids?

Would you go to an autists meetup?

Many on the boards here talk about extreme aversion to face to face meetings, being in proximity to others (covid or germ concerns), fears of traveling and extreme shyness.

It would be very hard to make this work without some "social angels" to help find others with interests and/or wants for social contact.

I suppose a dating agency type approach could work where we offer up a summary of what we do and don't want and see if we can be matched with someone else.

Would that be too patronising that the organisers are taking over that social initiation for you?

I also forsee this to be very hard to organise on a local enough level, especially now that there are so few social venues suitable for this. There would need to be literally thousands of volunteers to co-ordinate across the country if this were to work in most biggish towns.

Maybe that is getting to far ahead of itself - I think a template for an event format would probably work best that can be given to any local volunteers. Churches would seem a logical choice as they still offer charitable services and a venue in this day and age, and they thankfully do not require you to be a believer to join their community activities.

I'm just throwing some thoughts into the ring here - any other ideas on how this could work in practice?

I agree Tamsyn.

I'm worried a lot of autistic people may be like me and have no friends and suffer from loneliness. Young autistic especially but i do know there may be older people included in this too. And i also worry a lot of them can't tell anyone that because in reality it's not socially acceptable to say you have no friends.

I just wish something could be done about it because it's heartbreaking to read parents post on this forum asking for help about their child's loneliness. 

It'd be a start if we could get a tiny bit of financial help...