Published on 12, July, 2020
I'm the designated navigator to get us to the restaurant but the GPS melts my head.
Everyone arrives and immediately I'm in hyper vigilance. I feel like I mess the seating up because I prefer to sit on the end and get a slight sense others would rather not be stuck next to me. The menus come round and I have to read everything before I know what I want but it's all just words on a page. We order and the food comes out and it's delicious and I just want to concentrate on eating. Some strong incense wafts over. I want the table water but don't know how to ask for it. The music is on loud and cutlery is clattering and everyone's talking. All this is going on before I've even got onto trying to have a conversation. There's multiple conversations. I'm conscious of how quiet I am and how it could appear I'm not making much of an effort to speak to the people I haven't seen for a while. Some of them are hardly ever spoken to because these are the only situations in which I see them. I REALLY want to talk but I don't know how to. People ask me stuff and I summon everything within me to string a coherent answer together. All the while, I don't know what my expectations are. I go to the loo to give my brain a break but there's loud music piping through in the cubicle. The hyper vigilance continues then after over 2.5 hours we go home.
My partner asks "Did you enjoy yourself?".
I speak in front of others every day as part of my job but still cannot manage these situations. Knowing I'm autistic goes so far in accepting myself yet I still feel in some instances, it's not good enough. People, even those CLOSEST to me, still have no idea what it's like to be "high functioning". They have no idea of the effort involved merely to "get by" (before we get on to any kind of enjoyment).
I've been awake since 2pm and I don't know if it's indigestion or over stimulation.
out_of_step said:I've been awake since 2pm and I don't know if it's indigestion or over stimulation.
I would think it is overstimulation leading to the physical manifestation of indigestion. Unless you had the chilli of course...
Do you have to organise these events or are you just a participant? If you are just part of the group then you would benefit from finding ways to bring down the anxiety to enjoy the moment.
The way I do this is to take out the points of stress as much as possible in the first case:
Look up the route on a maps app to work out how to get there - use street view to check landmarks you will see on the way. Use the timing to avoid getting there too early and check out local parking options in advance on the maps app/we bpage.
Read the menu online before going to decide what to have. If it isn't online then ask the restaurant to send you it by email of whatsapp.
Don't worry about the seating - let people ask to swap if they want, otherwise it can't be that important to them anyway.
Now, you have got there without too much stress as you know where you are going and you already know what you will order. Get some water in advance as well as your drink so you are sorted for the meal.
This leaves the cacophony of noise, smell and interaction to handle - maybe try to immerse in it like you would at a concert. You can't escape so just let it wash over you and enjoy it as best you can.
If stress starts building, try focussing, centering yourself and meditate briefly to prep yourself for the next round of sensory assault.
Take time to tast the food, savour it and talk to those around you about how good it is.
Essentially try to make the most of the situation and let that assault turn into a big bear hug of positive sensory input instead.
For me, that is how I survive these events, although I do need a day to get over them afterwards...
They are good tips iain and things I was practising while I was there. Interestingly, I am getting better at immersing myself in these situations and consciously taking time out by looking around me at the decor etc. Meditation is definitely helping in these instances.
I ordered water for myself but it got passed around! No I don't organise these events, but I like to and want to participate. I suppose it's a good idea to pre read the menu but I do like having the surprise when I get there (I just need time to digest what I'm reading).
I do try to make the most of it but yesterday there was more noticeable anxiety for some reason. On the way home we had music on loud so that diverted my attention. One of the saving graces was that I wasnt replaying everything in my head. I'm too hard on myself a lot of the time.