Second guessing myself after speaking to a doctor..

Hey guys!

I came here looking for a place to talk about things, and find out if others have had a similar experience at all, and hopefully stop myself feeling like I'm doing the wrong thing somehow, I guess?

I'll start with an explanation; I've always been the question kid, pretty socially awkward at school very quiet and overlooked by teachers a lot of the time; bullied a lot for various things. I've dealt with certain sensory issues my whole life, but they weren't as obvious or affecting me in the same manner they so when you're older. Sounds randomly some like they're getting a lot lpuder even when I know they're not; I'm always fidgeting because my clothes always feel uncomfortable no matter what I wear. Too much sound stimulus is a social environment leave me feeling dizzy slow to react, and as a non-drinker, I end up feeling how I'd imagine it'd be to feel drunk? I won't eat certain foods in certain forms due to texture, etc. I have also found as I get older, I'm very sensitive to tone of voice, and have had either a shutdown or evej meltdown on occasions where I've misinterpreted how my husband has spoken to me.

I have no friends IRL, as I struggle to make them; I do work, as a carer, and I get in well with those I work with, though definitelt feel it takes an effort and like I'm putting on a persona to act "normal". I can understand social cues, and jokes though I do still take them somewhat literally enough on some level that I feel I always have to explain myself anyway.

My parents, who I'm no contact with, overlooked a lot of things when it came down to my health as a child. My mum was a jurae and always thought she knew better, and so I was commonly told "there's nothing wrong with you!". I had conjunctivitis I believe at one point, and that went completely ignored by both parents and teachers; one of my school friends was the only person to show any concern over it.

So with that in mind.

Due to being able to understand social cues and usually body language and such, although I've always suspected I may be dealing with something, I thought it very unlikely to be autism. Until I did some mandatory training about Autism and learning difficulties lately for work... being told that women often go undiagnosed specifically because they mask and appear to very fine in social situations. Everything else that I was reading and hearing about I that part of the training, I related to a lot and I found certain things just made sense to me after that.

Now, I didn't just decide to call my doctor on a whim. I'm very afraid of spelling to doctors in the first place because I find I always feel embarrassed afterwards, like I shouldn't have bothered.. and so I looked deeper into things. I found a website with several tests, and score above the threshold on all of them, including one for masking. And so I made the decision to speak to my GP this week. I made a little list of my reasonings so I wouldn't blank if it came to it.

The doctor immediately started asking about my job, who I live with, and if my parents had ever raised concerns. Which ofc, I said no.. and because I hadn't expected and "rehearsed" beforehand, forgot to mention my parents lack of attention to my health in general. And the guy just went off about how it'll be impossible them that I'm on the spectrum and not have been notified. That's he's a doctor, and is trained and knows about these things, and because I hadn't fumbled my words in the few short sentences I spoke (something that actually is a problem with me quite commonly, actually), he doesn't think I would be.

I explained I wouldn't have asked to talk about it without reason, and about the tests I'd done, and gave some reasonings.

He did change tune and say he'd get some forms to me, and asked me to come in to give my height/weight/blood pressure.

I'm still glad I phoned up, and certainly glad I'd prepared myself incase that happened. But even though I've literally been reeling off reasons why I think I should do this to my husband all week before I phoned, the doctors reaction has now left me feeling unjustified, and like I'm being silly and making things up, somehow.

Has anyone else dealt with and felt similar?