Published on 12, July, 2020
For the last year and a half I have been pushing myself with travelling by myself around Europe, doing camp america and other things. I started university last September after doing all this stuff and camp america was just before I began uni.
Throughout my whole year of uni, I was obsessed with pushing myself with socialising, doing rowing in a loud gym, (which I didn't mind most of the time) trying to get a girlfriend, studying a lot, partying, and self improvement videos mainly with learning how to learn. Both Christmas and Easter break I was completely shut down. I had constant migraines, could barely look at a screen, lights were mainly had to be off, and it had to be quiet. I pushed myself too far, but I didn't know when to stop. Even when I started to slow down a bit with how hard I was pushing after christmas, with having help from a academic mentor mainly, and a little bit of a therapist, it was still extremely challenging and difficult. I was still recovering, and my body needed rest but I couldn't. I had assignments and revision I had to do over these terms (I do human biology). I was also suffering a lot with this girl that rejected me that I saw for a bit and some of my family dying, I was a bit all over the place. I felt manly numb during that academic year, except from the first month and a bit, Including seeing that girl. After that, I just got used to that feeling of desensitization. I didn't know what it's like before, feeling great emotions. Except from in dreams where I feel those great emotions again.
After first year, and the major stress of exams (I am studying human biology) and a month later, I still have migraines, major desensitization, can't really socialize for too long, brain needs a lot of breaks when processing information . I some times get bursts of emotions like laughter or crying when watching anime, but my mind and body don't feel connected. I know this is autistic burnout. Can anyone relate / have any tips? This is what I have been trying so far:
I have been having cold showers most mornings, wim hof breathing too. I also try to do mediation, and am going to start to take walks when I get up. I realized I also had no fixed bed time and getting up routine so I'm starting that now. I also think that low dopamine activities will help,.so I'm incorporating some of those. I also try to do some exercise at home. But all of this is really hard, cause basic tasks are challenging when burnout.
Side note. Does anyone know how to turn off ingrained masking like around friends and family.
Thanks for reading.
I used to expect a lot from myself. Push myself to get a healthy happy life. Similarly to what you described here, waking up time, exercise, meditation, walks, healthy food, socialising and study achievements. Until I burned and crashed. As Bees said, sometimes the most productive thing you could do is nothing. Allow yourself to get some time to stare at the ceiling, stim or sit in darkness and talk to the space or whatever nothing means to you. I disagree a bit with the attention to not getting too many of nothing days, or more accurately, I disagree with deciding that rest has a deadline and you "should" rest only for specific time and not allow more. What works for me is to rest for as long as I need to. It has never led me to depression, it actually got me further from it. You need to allow yourself to rest for as long as you need to. The reward of being well-rested is worth it because you are more productive on the long term when you take breaks compared to when you push the productivity to the limit and then burn out before you repeat.
When I burn out I like to play video games, stim, cook and eat, write to myself what looks like love letters, cry, nap and go to therapy.
Thanks for your Input. I'm currently resting from university. As you say, resting for as long as I want to. I'm seeing therapy, also play video games and watch anime. Anime helps me release.tesrs and built up emotion atm.
Thanks again