Any autistic PhD students struggling out there?

Bean said:

There is no or very limited information for me to help myself.

Actually there is a wealth of material out there that can help, but you need to track it down.

You can use the uni online library or a site like Library Genesis that offers a huge number of books for free for research purposes - I found around 50 books on there that I am working my way through and there are more appearing all the time.

Gutbrush's recommendaton for the disability service is your best bet in the short term as you are classified as disabled and the uni is required to make reasonable accommodations for this and it may buy you some time or at least get your supervisors educated on what is required of them.

In practical terms you need to put your intelligence to use and start scheduling, breaking into tasks and genarally organising yourself to do all the annoying stuff that makes up the work.

We tend to work well with routine so start making one and sticking to it.

I'm afraid the idea that the job at the end of all this is the solution is a common fallacy - it is just a different batch of stuff with similar jobsworths to make it annoying most of the time.

You will need to develop the skills to let the stress from this wash over you - learn about mindfulness and it will be a good starting point.

For us to help you, please let us know what sort of things cause you to lose traction in progress - be specific if you can be (not about the technology mind you, that will probably go over our heads) and we can try to offer some help on these parts for now,

It takes time but it does get better.

Hi Iain, thanks for the response. I have written a more detailed reply to everyone below with more specifics on what I am actually struggling with. I am already registered with every possible support service at the university at the moment but I think the major issues are not ASD-related and more down to a poor environment/poor supervision and my reaction is a lot more amplified because I am autistic. It can be really difficult because I do, as you say, put together a whole schedule and break up tasks but my ability to judge time taken to do things is very impaired. I will overload my work schedule massively and then things fall like a house of cards. But I also have the problem that when I try to slow down and do a little less that my supervisors are giving me grief about a lack of work or trying to heap even more on. I can't tell if they are right or they are being unreasonable. There is also no one at all to teach me anything. I am currently getting by reading papers/googling research groups/emailing people from other universities but ultimately I need someone to actually show me what to do when those resources reach their limits.

I am asked regularly to do things that we don't have the equipment for, don't have the reagents for, don't have anyone who has done it before and told to just figure it out. If my brain was firing on all cylinders I might be able to cope with this but at the moment I can't get out of the cycle of frustration > crying/meltdown > time off > try again > frustration... etc. I know no one can really help me with the practicalities but I wondered if others had found ways to break the emotional spiral of meltdowns. Or maybe I am just so burned out after 35 years that it's not possible anymore. Has mindfulness helped you? I do try to do this but I struggle because I don't have an internal monologue, I think only in pictures and 'video' so it is hard to try to pick up on negative thoughts to start being more positive and aware of myself.

Hi Iain, thanks for the response. I have written a more detailed reply to everyone below with more specifics on what I am actually struggling with. I am already registered with every possible support service at the university at the moment but I think the major issues are not ASD-related and more down to a poor environment/poor supervision and my reaction is a lot more amplified because I am autistic. It can be really difficult because I do, as you say, put together a whole schedule and break up tasks but my ability to judge time taken to do things is very impaired. I will overload my work schedule massively and then things fall like a house of cards. But I also have the problem that when I try to slow down and do a little less that my supervisors are giving me grief about a lack of work or trying to heap even more on. I can't tell if they are right or they are being unreasonable. There is also no one at all to teach me anything. I am currently getting by reading papers/googling research groups/emailing people from other universities but ultimately I need someone to actually show me what to do when those resources reach their limits.

I am asked regularly to do things that we don't have the equipment for, don't have the reagents for, don't have anyone who has done it before and told to just figure it out. If my brain was firing on all cylinders I might be able to cope with this but at the moment I can't get out of the cycle of frustration > crying/meltdown > time off > try again > frustration... etc. I know no one can really help me with the practicalities but I wondered if others had found ways to break the emotional spiral of meltdowns. Or maybe I am just so burned out after 35 years that it's not possible anymore. Has mindfulness helped you? I do try to do this but I struggle because I don't have an internal monologue, I think only in pictures and 'video' so it is hard to try to pick up on negative thoughts to start being more positive and aware of myself.

I don't think anyone ever had shown me anything or tought me how to do something. It's actually this way to many people I know writing a PhD. It's radical self-reliance thing apparently...