Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I was diagnosed two years ago at the age of 26 after struggling for most of my life. Since being diagnosed I have found that i am finding it harder to do things that previously I was able to do. My anxiety is at an all time high, I’m really struggling in regards to car journeys, which previously I loved. I’m having issues at work due to me overthinking and not being able to let stuff go. And I didn’t know if this was something that is common or not? I’m really struggling at the moment as I feel as if I can’t do anything and I’m missing out on life. I don’t want to have to cause myself stress 24/7 so I’m avoiding situations. I’ve tried different things to help when I’m feeling particularly anxious, such as my noise cancelling headphones and having something to fidget with, but I feel as if I’m always on the verge of a meltdown. Can anyone else relate to this and is there anything I can do to help myself further?
I was diagnosed on Tuesday, i just turned 40. I've been feeling completely out of control at work and reacting to every slight change in such a negative way. I had already accepted I'm Autistic before the diagnosis but had a fair bit of imposter syndrome, seeking duagnosis was because i was already feeling burnt out and wanted to finally find some coping strategies that would work.
My anxietys been at peak level and after my work days I'm having meltdowns at home where i feel incapable of doing anything or contributing to home life. I had a meltdown on Thursday in work because i felt like i was being perceived as incapable, all actions suggested that and I'm still unsure how factual that situation was. (This all sounds like its been terrible since but i was experiencing this prior to my diagnosis just less frequently) I think I'm also grieving and sad for all the time not knowing or where it didn't have to be as hard as it was just to function. All becayse of the allistic expectation i had for myself and for what others perceived as the correct way to 'thrive'. I guess I'm realising that my 'thriving' can't be like i thought it should be, that i need to allow myself to just be me - whilst figuring out who is 'me' and who is the 'me-mask' i wore.
When they gave me the feedback they said they would advise my Drs to put me in for an assessment of needs, occupational therapy and some cbt for my anxietys. Maybe you could try accessing something like that? Apparentky talking therapies work really well too. Although I've not started that journey yet, the reports not even been written to my doctors to inform them yet haha.
I can relate to all of the above, I think even now I’m still coming to terms with the diagnosis. I’ve spent over 20 years thinking I’m a lesser person and I was weird because I couldn’t function like everyone else could. And obviously now I have my diagnosis I understand why but it’s quite hard to change the way you have thought about yourself all these years! My family always say that when I do something I struggle with I need to pay myself on the back and tell myself that I did a really good job. But I find that hard to do, as I’m always thinking well any ‘normal’ person can do this easily so it’s not really an achievement.. I’m going to get into my doctor and see if there is any talking therapy they can provide as at the moment I don’t feel like I’m coping very well!