How was school for you?

I was lucky that I lived in a small town with my parents for elementary and middle school. The kids were the same in the class, or at least a group of them stayed the same, from third or fourth grade until 9th. The same group were our neighbours and we played after school together. I was interested in the game being played as a group but I was interested in talking with the close few ones only. Kids don't fake, kids just play. I liked and still like games. As for classes, I wasn't the best but I definitely was one of the nerds. I had good grades and my parents pushed for that. I enjoyed writing, math and physics mechanics. I disliked chemistry, electrical stuff and biology.

Highschool tho was a nightmare socially. Girls talked only about boys, boys about girls. Less people were interested in playing and more in gossiping. Everyone was new to me. I used to have such a temper, scream at people the loudest I could. Skipped classes except math! I was in every math lesson. It excited me so much that I was standing up the whole lesson because it helped me stay focused on it. I practiced math for very long hours, I remember not sleeping and doing math for hours instead until my mom forced me to study other subjects as well. Physics continued to be my favourite too. I made 2 close friends in highschool but neither of them could understand me well. They kept saying that I'm weird, impulsive and eccentric.

College, the ultimate nightmare. Not just socially, this time no playing at all! Preparing me to become an adult.. I used to forget exams, mess schedules or just forget my things in places, anything could be forgotten any place anywhere. Didn't like any friend there. Almost failed it actually. I started to experience in the romance department failing dramatically. It's when I started to notice that social skills and better self-expression could get you better grades, well I realized that I'm bad at both and there I'm losing some grades. I realized that I'd rather stay alone the whole year than get myself to say hello to bunch of strangers. I started there to notice my social difficulties in general.

The PhD study. It continued with the social difficulties. I am now expected to present and express myself in a academic society. High expectations while I sometimes struggle to fu**ing say anything at all. Professional relationships, fancy phrases, sophisticated taste, "high-class", people there look at how I dress myself, prestige... Agh totally not me, and I can't and won't turn into someone like that just to fulfill expectations. I still want to play! And I hate professional relationships as they seem superficial. The study thing is ok, I enjoy research but definitely not teaching because it includes a lot of talking and self-expression. I've always wanted to deliver work that is meaningful to me. I never could deliver an assignment just to finish an assignment but I always wanted to make even a tiny small difference. Always extra care to every last detail and feeling satisfied when I look at a well-done work.  

I was lucky that I lived in a small town with my parents for elementary and middle school. The kids were the same in the class, or at least a group of them stayed the same, from third or fourth grade until 9th. The same group were our neighbours and we played after school together. I was interested in the game being played as a group but I was interested in talking with the close few ones only. Kids don't fake, kids just play. I liked and still like games. As for classes, I wasn't the best but I definitely was one of the nerds. I had good grades and my parents pushed for that. I enjoyed writing, math and physics mechanics. I disliked chemistry, electrical stuff and biology.

Highschool tho was a nightmare socially. Girls talked only about boys, boys about girls. Less people were interested in playing and more in gossiping. Everyone was new to me. I used to have such a temper, scream at people the loudest I could. Skipped classes except math! I was in every math lesson. It excited me so much that I was standing up the whole lesson because it helped me stay focused on it. I practiced math for very long hours, I remember not sleeping and doing math for hours instead until my mom forced me to study other subjects as well. Physics continued to be my favourite too. I made 2 close friends in highschool but neither of them could understand me well. They kept saying that I'm weird, impulsive and eccentric.

College, the ultimate nightmare. Not just socially, this time no playing at all! Preparing me to become an adult.. I used to forget exams, mess schedules or just forget my things in places, anything could be forgotten any place anywhere. Didn't like any friend there. Almost failed it actually. I started to experience in the romance department failing dramatically. It's when I started to notice that social skills and better self-expression could get you better grades, well I realized that I'm bad at both and there I'm losing some grades. I realized that I'd rather stay alone the whole year than get myself to say hello to bunch of strangers. I started there to notice my social difficulties in general.

The PhD study. It continued with the social difficulties. I am now expected to present and express myself in a academic society. High expectations while I sometimes struggle to fu**ing say anything at all. Professional relationships, fancy phrases, sophisticated taste, "high-class", people there look at how I dress myself, prestige... Agh totally not me, and I can't and won't turn into someone like that just to fulfill expectations. I still want to play! And I hate professional relationships as they seem superficial. The study thing is ok, I enjoy research but definitely not teaching because it includes a lot of talking and self-expression. I've always wanted to deliver work that is meaningful to me. I never could deliver an assignment just to finish an assignment but I always wanted to make even a tiny small difference. Always extra care to every last detail and feeling satisfied when I look at a well-done work.