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Tips on staying connected?

NAS86929
over 1 year ago

Hey folks. My name is Kali I'm a late diagnosed autistic female. I am travelling in the UK from NZ. 

I'm struggling a lot right now. I have just left a relationship and a job which is bound to make me sad but everything is beginning to feel, well hopeless. I have spent a lifetime failing to fit in in the neurotypical world and while I'm kinda OK with that, it feels a lot like there isn't a person or a job or a place for me in the world at all.

I'm not trying to be alarmist. I was hoping some of you other late diagnosed humans might have some tips for me on how to stay connected with people and networks. How to maintain relationships, jobs, or get support and find a place for yourself in the world. I'm less expecting full on answers (I know it's a lot) and more little tips that might bring a little ray of hope to my current perspective.

Thanks Kali. 

Parents
  • over 1 year ago

    Jobs, not sure, but as someone who actively maintains many long distance friendships, here are some tips from that side of things!

    Have set routines around it. I have one friend for whom it is important that we have some form of text contact nearly every day (she has rejection sensitive dysphoria, and a lot of health issues, so if one of us doesn't reply she worries that I hate her and I worry that she's dead:) ) and sometimes we have periods where we set a certain night to call on every night. It's been Sunday several times.

    I have another friend that I haven't actually seen in person in 9 years. We sent emails for a while, telling each other everything that had happened in the last month, and also did stuff where we would play Minecraft while on a call to each other (I socialize much better around a structured activity).

    One of my other friends and I largely send each other recipes and things we make (both bakers) again it's a common interest communication around a structured activity. 

    So overview for you, I really recommend making friends at clubs. Choose a hobby you enjoy and try and find a local group of enthusiasts, that way small talk doesn't have to be contended with, and they'll know your knitting style before they know your name.

    If you don't have a hobby yet, definitely try and find one, there are loads of really good really local groups in the UK, especially around exercise, but also around crafts and the outdoors.

    I joined a regency dance group one time, I was the youngest by over a decade but I found plenty of other late diagnosed or undiscovered auties there, because you have to be at least a little bit weird to be in a regency dance group.

    So yeah, job no clue, but like Iain said, common interests (and activities so talking and doing the social stuff isn't the main priority) are the best way to make and maintain friends in my life. 

Reply
  • over 1 year ago

    Jobs, not sure, but as someone who actively maintains many long distance friendships, here are some tips from that side of things!

    Have set routines around it. I have one friend for whom it is important that we have some form of text contact nearly every day (she has rejection sensitive dysphoria, and a lot of health issues, so if one of us doesn't reply she worries that I hate her and I worry that she's dead:) ) and sometimes we have periods where we set a certain night to call on every night. It's been Sunday several times.

    I have another friend that I haven't actually seen in person in 9 years. We sent emails for a while, telling each other everything that had happened in the last month, and also did stuff where we would play Minecraft while on a call to each other (I socialize much better around a structured activity).

    One of my other friends and I largely send each other recipes and things we make (both bakers) again it's a common interest communication around a structured activity. 

    So overview for you, I really recommend making friends at clubs. Choose a hobby you enjoy and try and find a local group of enthusiasts, that way small talk doesn't have to be contended with, and they'll know your knitting style before they know your name.

    If you don't have a hobby yet, definitely try and find one, there are loads of really good really local groups in the UK, especially around exercise, but also around crafts and the outdoors.

    I joined a regency dance group one time, I was the youngest by over a decade but I found plenty of other late diagnosed or undiscovered auties there, because you have to be at least a little bit weird to be in a regency dance group.

    So yeah, job no clue, but like Iain said, common interests (and activities so talking and doing the social stuff isn't the main priority) are the best way to make and maintain friends in my life. 

Children