Every so often it hits me...

Hits me too and i also feel it gets worse with time. I do not ever feel unfairness though, just an intense frustration. Frustration that i cannot somehow manage to achieve the things that I know I can achieve.

I look like a normal person for almost everyone but my doctors, support staff and family. My family i.e. parents and siblings treat me like normal but also expect me to do normal things like stay in contact every week, I am not a teenager anymore I want my independence but the family just gets in the way of it, I don't get it, other family members live on their own and they don't get grief from other family members, so why should I be any different?

I'd like to think my lecturers understand my issues with social cohesion but in reality they think I can cope with every social situation they throw at me.

Every time I decide not to contact my family every week or so, the next time I see them they shout at me and it's not nice, sometimes I get the impression they like shouting at me. It's times like these that make me wish i'd rather live in poverty, because the level I am being treated is so disrespectful and they don't see it.

My life was certainly a lot better as a child. I had what many would call a happy childhood, and I agree. I had loving parents, a more or less stable home-life, plenty of holidays to the same location (my mum loves routine too!), and I had a sunny disposition.  I feel, however, that a part of me died when I hit puberty; this was when my anxieties increased and I developed mental health problems. I have always been anxious and timid, but my parents took responsibility when I was a child, and the big, scary world was kept at bay.

I, too, had unrealistic dreams: I would get married age 20 and have my own cafe - food was my obsession. I lived in a fairy tale world of Bonny Bobby Shafto ('he'll come back and marry me'), and 'when I am a big girl' I will have this and that....

Reality is so depressing, I agree. Life was categorically better when I was a child, whatever others try to tell me about living in the here and now and looking to the future. I don't do sugar-coating, and if something is sh** in reality, I don't want to air-brush it away. Uber optimism is grating. I don't want to wallow in self-pity or to live in the past, but I am nevertheless sad that things were once so different. Ignorance and innocence can be bliss.

Mine has got worse as I have got older too.  I feel like now I have a whole separate Sensory Processing Disorder worthy of a diagnosis in it's own right and the smallest thing overwhelms me and I either want to meltdown or shutdown or have a panic attack.

I was oblivious to a lot as a child too.  Apparently I didn't have friends and just used to play with my brother when I was infants age.

I think what gets harder too as you get older, is that for instance I would always imagine life would be like the films (talk about taking things literally) and the more I found out it wasn't, the more depressing I found it.  The more I became aware of my difficulties and peoples' reactions and manipulations, the more I withdrew, became untrusting, paranoid and anxious.

I can clearly remember my dreams, probably typical little girl dreams.  Now I am painfully aware of the reality and how can you feel hopeful when you have a concrete reason that things are never likely to be better?

I do a lot . I often dwell on the unfairness of it all. I envy my neurotypical younger brother, who has a girlfriend (his second) and a highly responsible, full time job. Although I live in my own flat, nominally independent but with a huge package of support, and my brother still lives at home with my parents, I feel that his life is so much better than mine. He is so care-free, independent and spontaneous. He is not the most social of people, and has a few traits which I share, but he has a 'normal' life.

Sometimes, when I look at old photos or recordings of myself as a little girl, it reduces me to tears. My Aspergers has in fact got worse as I have got older, because I have developed chronic anxiety and OCD. As a little girl, I was naive and unaware of my oddness, the world was more secure and predictable, and I seemed so happy!. My parents were the ones with concerns about my development, for I was blithely unaware at the time. The sensory side of Aspergers has definitely got worse with age, namely noise distraction. Maybe it is because I focus on noise more now as an adult, whereas as a child I was only frightened by sudden, loud noises. like fireworks going off. Now I experience a lot of overload from lawn-mowers, cars, people talking etc.

As a child, I had so many dreams, and everything seemed perfect. The more knowledge I have accrued, the more nervous I have become, because my brain cannot process the information - it like a sponge. I am now anxious all the time, and cry when I reflect on my life. In fact, I live in the past most of the time.