Every so often it hits me...

I do a lot . I often dwell on the unfairness of it all. I envy my neurotypical younger brother, who has a girlfriend (his second) and a highly responsible, full time job. Although I live in my own flat, nominally independent but with a huge package of support, and my brother still lives at home with my parents, I feel that his life is so much better than mine. He is so care-free, independent and spontaneous. He is not the most social of people, and has a few traits which I share, but he has a 'normal' life.

Sometimes, when I look at old photos or recordings of myself as a little girl, it reduces me to tears. My Aspergers has in fact got worse as I have got older, because I have developed chronic anxiety and OCD. As a little girl, I was naive and unaware of my oddness, the world was more secure and predictable, and I seemed so happy!. My parents were the ones with concerns about my development, for I was blithely unaware at the time. The sensory side of Aspergers has definitely got worse with age, namely noise distraction. Maybe it is because I focus on noise more now as an adult, whereas as a child I was only frightened by sudden, loud noises. like fireworks going off. Now I experience a lot of overload from lawn-mowers, cars, people talking etc.

As a child, I had so many dreams, and everything seemed perfect. The more knowledge I have accrued, the more nervous I have become, because my brain cannot process the information - it like a sponge. I am now anxious all the time, and cry when I reflect on my life. In fact, I live in the past most of the time.

I do a lot . I often dwell on the unfairness of it all. I envy my neurotypical younger brother, who has a girlfriend (his second) and a highly responsible, full time job. Although I live in my own flat, nominally independent but with a huge package of support, and my brother still lives at home with my parents, I feel that his life is so much better than mine. He is so care-free, independent and spontaneous. He is not the most social of people, and has a few traits which I share, but he has a 'normal' life.

Sometimes, when I look at old photos or recordings of myself as a little girl, it reduces me to tears. My Aspergers has in fact got worse as I have got older, because I have developed chronic anxiety and OCD. As a little girl, I was naive and unaware of my oddness, the world was more secure and predictable, and I seemed so happy!. My parents were the ones with concerns about my development, for I was blithely unaware at the time. The sensory side of Aspergers has definitely got worse with age, namely noise distraction. Maybe it is because I focus on noise more now as an adult, whereas as a child I was only frightened by sudden, loud noises. like fireworks going off. Now I experience a lot of overload from lawn-mowers, cars, people talking etc.

As a child, I had so many dreams, and everything seemed perfect. The more knowledge I have accrued, the more nervous I have become, because my brain cannot process the information - it like a sponge. I am now anxious all the time, and cry when I reflect on my life. In fact, I live in the past most of the time.