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Cancelling plans last minute due to fear of social aspect

Melanpolly
over 1 year ago

Hi, recently to many people in my life (my boyfriend, my two closest friends etc, work) I just keep cancelling so last minute because i just think of how exhausting it is having to be around people and mask. It will always be after i’ve talking about it and said i will for like a week, and then finally when it comes down to having to get ready and leave I just feel frozen. 

This makes me feel so bad because i keep disappointing people, just wondering what people here think about it? 

Should i start trying to go anyway or is it a better idea to avoid the situations that i know stress me out? 

Also, does anyone have any tips particularly for female masking - have you ever tried to not mask? What happened? 

Parents
  • over 1 year ago

    I've deliberately been trying to unmask for half a year. First it started without autistim in mind, although I suspected it, but it wasn't in the picture. It started as a healing journey to focus my efforts on figuring out my needs, wishes and preferences over focusing my efforts on figuring out how to be accepted and liked by others. Slowly my autism appeared to the surface. What happens when you unmask is a discovery journey in itself and it depends on so many factors, including how your autism looks like and who are you unmasking with, ext.. but what I think that would probably happen internally in the person is a lot of healing, self-discovery and a feeling that the self is finally united rather than scattered to pieces that have constant fight. It brought me, although it has been very short time in the journey for me, lot of satisfaction with who I am and lots of love to myself. Try to unmask first when you are alone and see what happens, after a while try it with a trusted person/therapist and see what happens..

    For social situations, I'm trying to learn how much socialising I need per week, what settings fit me the best and what things in social situations might bother or drain me and how much time do I need to recover from each. It makes it easier to plan them in advance. I also try to look at social situations as "test field" to learn about myself and exactly to answer the question "what happens when I unmask?". I wouldn't recommend to start doing this in places where the consequences might be high like at work for instance. Good luck

Reply
  • over 1 year ago

    I've deliberately been trying to unmask for half a year. First it started without autistim in mind, although I suspected it, but it wasn't in the picture. It started as a healing journey to focus my efforts on figuring out my needs, wishes and preferences over focusing my efforts on figuring out how to be accepted and liked by others. Slowly my autism appeared to the surface. What happens when you unmask is a discovery journey in itself and it depends on so many factors, including how your autism looks like and who are you unmasking with, ext.. but what I think that would probably happen internally in the person is a lot of healing, self-discovery and a feeling that the self is finally united rather than scattered to pieces that have constant fight. It brought me, although it has been very short time in the journey for me, lot of satisfaction with who I am and lots of love to myself. Try to unmask first when you are alone and see what happens, after a while try it with a trusted person/therapist and see what happens..

    For social situations, I'm trying to learn how much socialising I need per week, what settings fit me the best and what things in social situations might bother or drain me and how much time do I need to recover from each. It makes it easier to plan them in advance. I also try to look at social situations as "test field" to learn about myself and exactly to answer the question "what happens when I unmask?". I wouldn't recommend to start doing this in places where the consequences might be high like at work for instance. Good luck

Children
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