Published on 12, July, 2020
Unfortunately, I'm having to re-type this as yesterday's one went into the spam filter and hasn't been retrieved
So, do you have habits and are you able to differentiate your habits from stims?
For me, my diagnosis has put my habits into a new stimmy light.
Also, although not diagnosed with OCD, I know I have it and have always had it, so again, how do you differentiate habits from OCD.
I will for example do the same thing more than once and re-arrange things so they are properly aligned.
I also having controlling thought related OCD.
Here are some:
As a child I would eat everything in my hand including my toys, pencils, pens etc
I ate the whole trunk of a knitted elephant.
Biting my nails and skin, until they bleed. My mum made me wear gloves in the house to try to stop this but I just ate the ends of the glove fingers.
I used to twiddle with and eat my hair when it was long.
Twiddling my toes.
Scratching, picking my scalp.
Rubbing my fingers together.
Blinking.
Biting my lip.
Grinding my teeth.
Making strange sounds + humming little tunes (I once got asked to stop by a work colleague because I was unconsciously humming the Funeral March).
I know I wrote more yesterday but can't remember them all at the moment.
Most of mine are lifelong.
With regard to habitual behaviour, I find this interesting:
Great question that I was researching an answer to yesterday without finding satisfying one. I can't tell the difference between an OCD related habit or a stim. I pick the scalp skin and it could go for hours. I don't organise and reorganise but I organise and have the need to have things in their original place and original state (order, cleanliness, function..ext). I have a small box in my pocket that I open and close repeatedly, if it's not with me then I rock right and left whenever I'm expected to stand still (waiting for a bus..). I adjust the location of my shoulders again and again during conversations, not sure why. When I'm nervous I do bite some nails.I like stress balls too.
If someone could discuss with us the difference between stim, habit and OCD It would be great
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As I understand it, OCD actions are compulsions to mitigate a specific anxiety. Stims are repetitive behaviours that bring comfort or relief in sensory way. They might be done when we are anxious but they seem to have less of a "psychological" component. Eg if I don't click the box something bad will happen therefore I need to click it vs I'm clicking it because it feels pleasant. This is my understanding (and extremely simplified) but I could be wrong.
Right, this is interesting. I seem to do these things when I'm anxious or simply not able to stand still and wait. I hate waiting. The scalp picking is daily thing tho starts in the evening for some reason. Does anyone experience the connection of a certain stim and a time in the day?.
I have read online yesterday while trying to figure this out that OCD behaviours come from fear. I couldn't relate to it because it wasn't accompanied with a clear example to compare the two situations but now it makes more sense.
Never apologise for curiosity, it’s great to be inquisitive! You are just seeking knowledge. It’s great to learn from our fellow neurokin.
I won’t divulge too much about my OCD as this is a public forum, but currently my obsessions and compulsions are based around health and researching different illnesses. I go through where I can almost convince myself I have several different illnesses within a week.
My OCD has moved across several different themes over the years.
They aren't"details " to me, they are a big deal!.
Exactly! I completely agree, details are everything. Other non autistic people are polytropic (generalists) whereas we are monotropic (single attention cognition meaning we can become specialists in anything that captures our attention) and therefore see details first.
The thing that really delayed my self-diagnousis was that most online resources talk about autism from the point of view of an NT observer and not the experience inside an autistic person
Yes I completely understand, we are the experts on our own autistic experience. It’s very hard to relate to a non autistic person’s description of autistic experience as it is based on observable behaviour, when in fact being autistic is very much an internal experience. When non autistic people talk or write about our autistic experiences there are lots of misunderstandings and assumptions because of the clash of our cultures, hence the Double Empathy Problem.
Have you heard of the Double Empathy Problem?
https://reframingautism.org.au/miltons-double-empathy-problem-a-summary-for-non-academics/
https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=qpXwYD9bGyU I hope you find this interesting!
Can I be curious to ask about your OCD?. What do the thoughts "say" or look like?. How long does each part of the cycle take? How does it feel in your body when the thought obsession is happening? What do you need to do to have a relief? How long do you have the relief then?. The what are the very early signs that the cycle is about to start?.
Sorry if it's too many questions, please feel free to not answer them. I'm just very curious about how the experience looks like from inside the person and not from the external observer point of view. The thing that really delayed my self-diagnousis was that most online resources talk about autism from the point of view of an NT observer and not the experience inside an autistic person. I realise that it's different for each person on the spectrum but, just a quick example, they describe autistic people to care about details, well I've never considered what they call details as details, I've always considered them important part of work, and whenever I noticed someone not paying enough attention to details I'd tell myself "oh, they probably don't have enough motivation to do this work or maybe having hard time in other areas of their lives that they are providing sloppy job or maybe they are just not good at it!". They aren't"details " to me, they are a big deal!.