Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi All!
I'm genuinely curious to hear what you think is the positive side of your diagnoses of Autism (or ADHD; or Autism and ADHD together). There's a lot of difficulties online but I'm also really fascinated by how differently we can see the world and the benefits of that.
Here's a couple of examples from me!
I don't get socially awkward very easily when there is clear justification for my actions. As an example, if my partner and I go out to eat and they receive food that they didn't order or doesn't match up to what they ordered (it could be they ordered crispy pizza with pepper and the dough isn't crispy and there are onions instead) they would feel awkward about bringing it to the attention of the server whereas I feel very, very comfortable with doing this (politely of course). The chef has broken the rules, this is not what we paid for and ordered, therefore they should rectify it and we have nothing to be worried about - therefore I don't worry. This also spreads to other social situations too.
I'm also very, very good at making quick connections between things and solving problems. I intuitively seem to find the relationship between things or find answers for problems. As a silly example, we needed to buy a new frying pan online that was the same size as our old one. However, we couldn't find our ruler or tape measure to check the actual measurements. But, I did have a lined A4 notebook. I looked up the standard sizes for the line spacings of the notebook and used the lines to the measure the frying pan which then gave me a very close approximation of the size. This took me mere seconds to come up with.
Please let me know yours!
Honestly? I don't feel like there are many/any positives for me. I have a good eye for detail in proofreading... but only at home. At the office, I feel so uncomfortable and bored, I make stupid errors. Really stupid. I'm not sure how much of this is directly due to autism, but if it's not directly due to it, it's indirectly due to it, inasmuch as autism stopped me progressing with my dream career as a librarian. I'm trying to start a career as a freelance proofreader and copyeditor, but I'm struggling with marketing, networking and self-promotion because of (you guessed it) autism.
I used to be able to hyper-focus, but I don't think I still can after so many burnouts. I have little to hyper-focus on anyway. And I know a lot of trivia about stuff that I care about, but I have no idea how to turn that into anything useful (although my fiancee likes it, so that's a plus).
There aren't really any other positives, except one small thing too personal to mention. I don't have the other positive things people here mention e.g. lateral thinking, problem solving (I'm pretty much the world's worst problem solver).
Honestly, I know it's not a popular opinion around here, but I often feel that autism and especially the concomitant alexithymia have wrecked what chance I might have had of having a good life. The negatives outweigh the positives so much.
Thank you so much for sharing Luftmentsch. I'm so sorry that there are few/no positives for you at the moment. How you're feeling is completely valid. I also went through a period of struggling to hyperfocus after a big burnout where I was off sick from work but it did come back once I was in a better headspace and working environment. So, it may come back later on - though I know that probably isn't very useful right now. I also have alexithymia traits and scored in the Autistic range on the embrace Autism test for it. I didn't have words for it until recently and it is one of the areas that I have found that I clash with people the most. I completely understand how it could lead you thinking that you can't lead a good life. I hope that you have someone to talk to about your difficulties. You're always welcome to message me on here if you want to talk.
Thanks for your response. To be fair, I was having a bad day yesterday and that coloured my response. I'm getting married in two weeks and am stressing about things that still need to be done! I do feel that the good things in my life are despite autism rather than because of it, although it can be hard to tell e.g. on some level I'm probably with my fiancee because of autism as we think she is also autistic and/or has ADHD, although she doesn't have a diagnosis, and this is why we connect so well. Although there are also stresses from being in a relationship where both partners are neurodivergent, so it can be hard to feel that as a positive sometimes, and it impacts our financial situation in a big way. The alexithymia can make the relationship hard at times too, especially as my fiancee is the opposite in that respect (feels everything very intensely).
Thank you!
Congratulations!
Congratulations on your engagement! Good to know we're not the only couple juggling with these issues.
Thank you for sharing! I'm engaged too and honestly I've tried to get into planning and just got completely overwhelmed (it doesn't help that we've had various other things happen too to add to the stress as well) so I understand why you would be feeling stressed right now. I'm so glad you've got so far in your preparations and wish you the best for the day! My partner is in the process of a referral for ADHD and we also have are similarly opposite with alexithymia. Though their ADHD does clash sometimes with some of my traits which can made confrontation difficult, I haven't seen how that will play out now that we are both more aware. It is going to be interesting for sure.