Lonely but don't like people

I find that there are people at my workplace who are sound. But when I reflect on it, they are just too hard to be around due to me having to think relatively carefully of what to say. Then there are people I don't so much mind what I say based on what they will think, so much as what I will think. I have an internal bully that acts as a very high hurdle when I think of getting new friends. I always think twice, though I want them. It is only really people where I work that I interact with on a day to day basis. I feel close to some more than others, but there is always that gap on the one hand from my perspective of how much I need to preform, on the other hand from their perspective how cold they think I am... but in any case I always turn down social invitations as it causes me stress after they have happened. 

I don't write that entirely out of self pity! Just so you can understand my point of view.

I find that there are people at my workplace who are sound. But when I reflect on it, they are just too hard to be around due to me having to think relatively carefully of what to say. Then there are people I don't so much mind what I say based on what they will think, so much as what I will think. I have an internal bully that acts as a very high hurdle when I think of getting new friends. I always think twice, though I want them. It is only really people where I work that I interact with on a day to day basis. I feel close to some more than others, but there is always that gap on the one hand from my perspective of how much I need to preform, on the other hand from their perspective how cold they think I am... but in any case I always turn down social invitations as it causes me stress after they have happened. 

I don't write that entirely out of self pity! Just so you can understand my point of view.