Advice needed

Although I need a lot of help, I can't find myself able to talk about it during my last few sessions with my therapist. I've been usually able to open up and talk to her, but not this time. It's after my self-diagnousis, I might be mourning the years that I've spent not knowing who I am and being misunderstood, naive, anxious and isolated. I've had a very hard childhood followed by very hard adulthood. A life worth writing a book about, only to be a very sad one. When I think about my life, I feel like I'm the unluckiest human on earth.. It seems like the universe had made a decision to gift me a very hard life that I don't know if it's worth living. Whenever a hardship passes another tough one shows up. I'm tired of it.

For few sessions, I'm not able to express those feelings to my therapist. Partly because my diagnosis isn't official and I'm so scared of being judged as a fraud, and the biggest part is because I'm not good at expressing how I feel, specially when I'm so vulnerable. I'm scared of the feelings themselves and of her potential judgement..

When I get to the session, I try my best not to talk about how I feel. Whenever she asks, I say that I'm not ready. She seems to be confused and not sure what to do to help me. 

What do you think I should do?

Parents
  • I really don’t know what to advise. Maybe you need a different therapist that you’ll feel more comfy with, or maybe you just aren’t ready. My own therapy is coming to an end. I didn’t say much for the first few sessions, but then I just let them have it, warts and all. Could they help? Not really, but I felt better getting it all off my chest. 
    Like you, I’ve had a lifetime succession of bad things and problems. And as one is gone, another replaces it. It’s a tough way to live. And these things are never my fault. If bad luck exists, it likes me and my family lol.

Reply
  • I really don’t know what to advise. Maybe you need a different therapist that you’ll feel more comfy with, or maybe you just aren’t ready. My own therapy is coming to an end. I didn’t say much for the first few sessions, but then I just let them have it, warts and all. Could they help? Not really, but I felt better getting it all off my chest. 
    Like you, I’ve had a lifetime succession of bad things and problems. And as one is gone, another replaces it. It’s a tough way to live. And these things are never my fault. If bad luck exists, it likes me and my family lol.

Children