Published on 12, July, 2020
Unless it’s because I’m male or something. I certainly seem to have been discriminated against.
In 2019, people made false accusations about me and got me kicked out of a netball club in Stirling.
I tried to find another netball club, but the netball clubs I contacted were all reluctant to tell me anything about themselves, and when I asked further questions about them they just stopped replying or whatever. I also contacted the netball club in Stirling about rejoining, because their constitution says I can ask to rejoin at the next general meeting. They ignored me.
I contacted Netball Scotland, and asked them to investigate why I was being treated the way I was by these 4 netball clubs, and was told they’d investigate it.
I turned up at 1 of the netball clubs (they’d told me they weren’t playing because of the Covid 19 pandemic, and they’d tell me when they started playing again, but never did tell me), and played netball with them anyway. I literally only played there 6 times before they found an excuse to get me suspended by Netball Scotland!
In September 2022, I had the police at my flat, saying that I’d contacted someone at netball saying I need some new friends, and asking me not to contact her again. Then the next day, I got an e-mail saying I’d been suspended from Netball Scotland. They didn’t even say anything about why!
Eventually I found out that the reason I was suspended was, among other things, that I’d allegedly “communicated with a club member, Christina [surname removed by mod], that was uninvited and persistent which placed her in a state of fear and alarm”. I’d sent her 1 message on facebook, she’d replied, and then I replied to her message; and I’d only asked perfectly normal things like “How long have you been playing netball?” and “Where do you live?”
1 of the other reasons for the suspension was that I’d chased Natalie up about her investigation about netball clubs not wanting me to join. I’d supposedly failed to show her respect.
This post’s getting a bit long, so to cut a long story short, I had a hearing in March 2023 about it. And all the complaints against me were upheld, and I’ve been suspended by Netball Scotland for 5 years!
They haven’t answered any of my questions such as “What’s wrong with being friendly?” or “What’s wrong with doing to others what I would have them do to me?” or “What’s wrong with asking Natalie to do her job?”.
What happened at Stirling was brought up to demonstrate a “pattern of behaviour”, but nobody even told me what this pattern of behaviour was. The accusations there were completely different.
I’d put a complaint in about Natalie not having done anything about her investigation. Is this the real reason I’ve been suspended?
Oh 2 other questions that have never been answered are “Would I have had the same reaction to contacting Christina if I was a woman?” and “Would I have had the same reaction to contacting Christina if I didn’t have Asperger’s syndrome?”
So I seem to have been discriminated against.
How long have you been playing netball?” and “Where do you live?” would cause alarm to a person.
Asking someone where they live, that gives someone the impression that you would turn up at their doorstep, that is what people would think getting a question like that. They have not understood your condition and that you think that you were being friendly. It would be good for you to see a counsellor as soon as possible, to help you understand why that was frightening to her. This will help you not repeat that error again with other people.
Why not phone the Autistic Scotland line for help and advice as well as perhaps a recommendation for a counsellor who knows about your condition? Work out with the counsellor what happened and they will advice you so you can find out if any discrimination actually took place.
Astrid said:How long have you been playing netball?” and “Where do you live?” would cause alarm to a person.
Why would asking some one how long they'd been playing netball alarm them? Also tbh where do you live is a question I've been asked at my local church a number of times by strangers. They're not asking, generally, for my address. They want to know what part of the city I'm from or even if I'm from another city. That's a perfectly normal question.
I'm not questioning how women collectively feel about things, well actually yes I am in this specific case, but more generally I'm not saying women don't perceive themselves as being in more danger than men. I'm saying A) I'm not convinced that's rational, B) we should proceed in society based on demonstrable facts not feelings, C) the law is designed to apply to people not groups, it shouldn't disadvantage the individual because some other group they're not in is disadvantaged. D) if you feel discrimination law is not being properly implemented to protect women the solution is not to suggest it shouldn't protect men either.
Ok that's fine but as a mater of record the equality act, which is the major law in the uk on discrimination, doesn't recognise a separate 'woman's rights,' it recognises a persons right not to be discriminated against on a number of grounds ... including sex. That's not opinion that's fact.
Yes, men and women SHOULD be treated equally. Yes, that's what the law says. But that's not what is happening in the actual lives of many women. The patriarchy didn't vanish overnight when the equality act went into effect. Please take some time to listen to what women are telling you about what it's like to live in a sexist world instead of dismissing us as unreliable narrators of our own lives.
womens rights apply in society because we are still treated unequal in society.
I am leaving this conversation and shall not be replying to any more of what you ask.
Peter, you might benefit from talking with a counsellor who is versed in autism, to help answer your questions on this, and help you gain an understanding of this
It's not disrespectful to say men should be treated equally compared to women ... it also happens to be the law!
Astrid said:genre based towards women
what does this mean?
Women are more likely to be abused than men.
What you are saying is actually becoming genre based towards women . Please be respectful
battybats said:It's different because we live in a society where women are at more risk from men than men are from women.
You may feel that, frankly I don't agree, and that's not the position of the law. There is no special exemption where you can say 'oh but because women feel more unsafe we can have different rules for women' written anywhere into the equality act.
Yet again, when you know for a fact that the person approaching you can overpower you and outsprint you, the feeling is very different. You make no attempt to understand this.
Same. I've given people the benefit of the doubt on this kind of thing dozens of times and ever time they've turned out to be a creep.
It's different because we live in a society where women are at more risk from men than men are from women. That doesn't mean there are no men being hurt or harassed by women, or that every man is a danger to women, but on a wider scale women do generally have to be more wary of men.
Is it fair for Mark to be misjudged as asking invasive questions when he was actually just trying to be friendly? No. But it's also not fair that women have to assume the worst case scenario to keep ourselves safe. In this case, no harm was meant, but we're not mind readers: we don't know which men are asking "what general area are you living in" vs which ones want to follow us home.
So now we’re adding sex discrimination to disability discrimination? Because if ‘it would have been alright if a woman said it’ sounds a lot like sex discrimination to me.
also people being uncomfortable is not in itself grounds to ban people. In general that’s just my opinion. But when you’re dealing with people who’s disability predisposes them to make people uncomfortable I’d say that’s also the law.
I think it's different if its male to female rather than the other way round? Females are more likely to be nervous of men than men of ladies?
I'm afraid I read the OP and it made me a little twitchy. I am autistic too but it made me a little uncomfortable.
I understand that. So it might be wise for the person to go to a counsellor on this to understand NTs better and to also go to a law clinic or similar. Thanks Peter. Hope you have a good week
If some people choose to use facebook that way that's their business but since it is a social networking site, and most people use it socially not professionally, autistic people can't be blamed for thinking they are interacting with people who want to be friends when people add them on facebook.
I used to use Facebook for friends and family only. X
some people keep colleagues and associates on their personal facebook, as they perhaps keep it overall professional in their posts and use it mainly for messenger to contact their closest friends and family. That is the good thing, that people can manage facebook and use their own facebook how they wish.
I think it is best not to judge as the situation here might be different, he might or might not have sent too many emails and worded them in a way that seems to be harassment, even if he/she/they did not mean to harrass. Thanks
My policy was not to be friend with colleagues on Facebook
Same, I don't want my work life and social life to overlap too much. I don't want drama in my social life following me to work and becoming something that involves meetings and complaints.
Also if I want to do professional networking I literally have linkedin for that.
My policy was not to be friend with colleagues on Facebook (which I came off after 15 years on this.); they would go around telling everyone about gossip etc. Also local people as I see them in the street.
I do get the odd instagram message requests and follower requests. I've got my settings high. Only accept followers who I know well etc. Used to live in Paranoid land when befriended someone. Anxiety through the roof.
My former friends still messaging strangers online and buying things. 2023 clean slate for me.