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Endings

JT

I recently returned to the city I grew up in and did a bit if a tourist run round it. It was fun. But I was aware of all the emotions and negative memories that were being stirred up there from childhood before I knew about ASC.

I had such tough times there and have struggled to put those struggles behind me.

Since returning to my current home I've been having nightmares, intense body spasms, and symptoms of depression again.

So on reflection I think it's the ending of old friendships that linger for me. Looking back I realise the ones I struggled with stuck with me, trapped in my core that seem to cause me pain and leave me wondering what happened.

Do you find that ending friendships is often weird, because there is no closure, they just drift away and you're left wondering why you no longer stay in touch?

Seems to be a common thing for me. Either that or I cut ties with people because I no longer trust they have good intentions.

Is this just how it goes, or is this a ND only experience I wonder?

  • I had a best friend (I thought of her as a sister) of 16 years betray me and backstab me after lending her a lot of money to help her pay her rent. I don't understand why she did it and it's made me question our entire friendship.

    But I don't think it's a ND thing per-say - I think lives get busy and people just kinda forget about friendships. I've not seen a friend in over 8 years because of distance and life - we like and comment on socials but reconnected the other day and I'm seeing her next week because I'm going to be in the area. 

  • in reply to JT

    I certainly ask the “why did it happen” question so often but given assorted other aspects of my identity I can pin it on them as much as my ASC. So today for instance I’m struggling to understand the latest email from my cousin in Japan, heading down that why and what spiral. It’s I think a relationship ending, the last remaining member of my family with whom I have contact, but to rob a concept from EUPD it is me “splitting” her! I’m not into “family” tbh and will be glad when they are all walked away and I’m safe 

  • in reply to Alice-nice-Alice

    I agree mostly, but I think the ND part is the repeated cycling questioning that goes on. The 'why did it happen' etc that I think is specific to my ASC

  • I don’t think this is especially an ND thing, it happens to most people for a myriad of reasons. Closure can indeed be hard, I see this in others and myself but perhaps because being an oldster with the experience this brings I’m ok at dealing with this now. People come and go in my life, sometimes they leave or drift, sometimes I leave or drift, and occasionally when my safety is at risk I ghost people. It’s just the way of the world

  • in reply to JT

    I think you're right, I must be the same way. I just wish people would give a reason and say goodbye properly rather than just breaking all contact. I over analyse otherwise and it causes severe anxiety.

  • in reply to Cece

    I feel like this realisation is a good thing, means we can perhaps have some kind of ceremony on our own to process the closure.

    I just meditated on it this morning and that I hope forms the closure that'll help move on

  • in reply to Trisha

    Same feeling for me yes. I think, being highly sensitive, that I feel much more deeply when I do become friends with people so, if it drifts, I then take it very personally when in fact its probably just the way it goes and they have their own wants and needs.

  • I am a bit shocked because I just realised that some school friendships have ended .. just after reading your post.

    There was no official closure, I just thought we got busy with life but we are in essence still friends and can reconnect etc.

    But you are right, this is an end rather as unlikely we will ever connect again after so many years have passed.. but there is no closure, it feels odd!

  • JT said:
    Do you find that ending friendships is often weird, because there is no closure, they just drift away and you're left wondering why you no longer stay in touch?

    Yes. I'm wondering this all the time. Why didn't we stay in touch? Was it me? Do they dislike people with autism? I don't have many friends. I haven't had many friends but the ones I did and drifted in to nothing I wonder why we didn't stay in touch.

    I cut ties with people sometimes but normally it's the other way round. I think people just suddenly don't like me anymore.

    I don't think NTs give it much thought. Whereas I'm really pleased to have a friend to them I think they don't really care all that much.