Published on 12, July, 2020
Hi all,
I’ve been a bit hesitant to post this as we seem to live in a society where saying you’re not keen on dogs is viewed on the same level as saying you enjoy burning children’s Christmas presents, but here goes.
I’ve always been very wary around dogs, and have never understood the growing fascination with owning/taking pictures of/talking about them. It’s not a fear as such - I just don’t really get it and I find them unpredictable. Particularly when their owners have them off the lead, and think shouting “It’s okay - he’s harmless!” as their four-legged friend bounds up to you is a substitute for being in control. This is exacerbated by the fact that I like running, and whenever I’m running towards someone walking a dog off the lead I automatically get anxious because I don’t know if it will keep calm or suddenly bolt and get under my feet as I run past. I even under up slowing down as I approach these situations as it causes me to hesitate!
I always just figured I was a bit miserable, but in the light of my ASD diagnosis I thought I’d put it out there to see if anyone felt similar? I see a lot about autistic people having a love of animals but not too much of the opposite, so I don’t have high hopes!
We never had a pet at home (well, a goldfish and later a hamster) but not one of the big two. I'm definitely more of a cat person if I had to choose.
I'm less easily scared by them than I was. It's been a journey. As a child of the 80s, I was raised in a time when feral dogs roamed the streets without any owner supervision. You'd turn a corner on your bike and come face to face with the hound of the Baskervilles. Or a ferocious pitbull. Then you'd drop your bike and sprint for your life. But they'd chase you down and what felt like an attempted mauling would ensue. If you were lucky, an adult or the owner would casually call out 'he's just playing with you' while the mauling continued, and then maybe thirty seconds later might go, 'Spike, heel' or whatever and show some mercy.
I've always found most houses with dogs in impossible to relax in. Unless it's some wee snuffly quiet small thing - a... are they called Westies? There's one opposite my house and she stands up at the gate when you pass and she is a cute wee thing but I'm still kind of glad that I don't have to deal with the confusing mayhem of her being my side of the wall.
When I was about six years old, I was in Co. Wicklow with my parents, on a walk through a big estate called Avondale. We were just about here......when over that hill came the thunderous and baying swarm of a pack of hounds and some fox-hunters on thundering horses. My mother's own fear of dogs transmitted itself to me in a massive spike of shared adrenaline and we all jumped up on this stone monument thing (just out of frame) while these ravenous beasts roared past in a big pack, surging round the monumnet and onward in pursuit of their no doubt terrified quarry.
Anyway, that didn't help I'd say.
I occasionally visit two friends of mine (a married couple) in their lovely house. They have a dog - a cockapoo or something - and even though it's less hyper than their previous one, I still get really tense, waiting for him to bound in from the hall, rear up on me, bark unexpectedly, chew my shoe laces etc. The whole time I try to convey that I'm OK with it, and I know he's just excited by new company - I should be honoured. So there's a guilt factor as well - it's like extra extra masking and I'm exhausted when I get home - a coiled spring of unreleased tension. One time the dog licked my hand while we were having pizza. I had to go into the kitchen to wash my hands, but it probably seemed really rude. there's just no way I could carry on eating with saliava hands. And that dog small gets into everything. All fabrics. I can still smell it on me until I get home, take a bath, and wash my clothes.
And yet... I see how much pleasure and unconditional love he gives them. And I know I'm the one who's not quite right in the head about it. Or rather, I can see it in my philosophy, but could never do the lived experience. Hygeine and calm are too important to me.
But maybe a wee cat, one day. They are clean, and even tempered, and mostly calm and relaxed