Huge anxiety around parent-involvement in upcoming assessment

Hi again RosieRosie I feel for you with your anxiety over parents.

Also to yourself and everyone.  I have recently posted on here. Then I noticed and looked at previous chats on including parents at an assessment. There are quite a few people saying it was not necessary and it is not a prerequisite. I am wondering now as I have have been told on my first interview that they would only say I have traits but not a full diagnosis without parent input. I have been contacted about the next interviews which will be starting next week. Now I am pondering?

I'd just say they can't attend because they are estranged, which is as good as dead, and if you had no parents they'd have to just take your word for it anyway  (which they bloody well should do anyway, it's your assessment not your parents.) Then I'd make an official complaint because frankly I hear this horse plop far too frequently. You should have the damn right to be treated as an authoritive source about your own experiences. Yet another way we get infantilised and demeaned by the system imo.
Too many typos not going back to edit all of them.

Hi it feels strange that this post has cropped up. Just as I have been asked to have a parent accompany me and it makes me feel uncomfortable and I won’t go into all the details but I don’t want it. I have had the first part of an assessment. Then I was told that without an informer I might only be described as having autistic traits but not a full diagnosis. I have been led to believe it is necessary.  My parent is not a bad person but they did not pay much attention to what was happening to me as a child. As such I have had to explain stuff now but surely it should be what they have noticed. I was referred to Child Guidance as a child but received skepticism and mocking from relatives.  I want to explain to my assessor that my patent did not notice my hyperlexia, attention problems, special interests as a child in many subjects but came top of the class at six but went backward later to near bottom but was obsessed with learning on my own. Extreme bullying but thought no point in asking for help. Lots of stuff so I wonder if the assessors enquiry will be relevant if I am not known.  My parent does not know me.  

Either way RosieRosie I hope it all goes well for you and it works out. Maybe as some people are saying here that it is not needed. If it is too uncomfortable for you maybe it is fine to go ahead without a parent. 

Argh, that's exactly the same as my parents – totally oblivious to the bullying. My mum is the same, almost everything I can recall she will reply with: 'I don't remember you being like that' / 'Everyone feels that way to some extent'. 

I'll maybe write something to the team (not good on the phone) and at least that'll be on record?

I had my mum fill put the first questionnaire but I had to write a covering letter explaining that she had no idea about my struggles and she didn't even know that I was bullied!  She had no memory of several things that I remember clearly.

I got my older sibling to fill out the second questionnaire when my case got transferred, and they put in a lot more relevant information. 

I would definitely enquire if there are other options if your parents don't have a good understanding of your experience.  Some of it is about early development, like when you learned to talk etc, how you played.  But an inaccurate picture is not going to help you either.

thank you, I hope things work out for you too.

That's what I had thought too! I took a look through the forum and saw many late-diagnosed adults had their assessment done this way so I don't know why the service is insisting like this – particularly as they know me and my family don't see eye-to-eye on anything mental health/ASD related. I was rather hoping they'd just get a paper questionnaire in the post as you say/

I wish you all the very very best in accessing an assessment by the way, I'm sorry the system is so arduous

That's really good to know, thank you! I've been feeling so guilty about even getting assessed at all that I didn't want to ask them too many questions. Will definitely re-iterate at the appointment then that my parent's recollections are likely to be very faulty and hopefully they will not see them as too relevant 

Lots of people have had diagnoses without any parental involvement, for example people whose parents are no longer around or are estranged.  I can't imagine sitting in a room discussing my childhood with my parents either.  My mum also sort of suggested she would feel awkward about this too.  I am still trying to get an assessment but am hoping they can just send my mum a questionnaire and she can complete it and post it to them.  If you say that it isn't possible to do as they have asked, there should be an alternative.  

As far as I know, they don't have that right. That kind of co-operation is always a preference, on their part, and not ever a demand. They lack the authority to make such demands.

That was my first reaction too, but I was rather firmly told that they needed to be involved because they would remember 'certain things' (whatever that means). All very odd!

Hi. 

By what possible right can they demand that your parents be a part of this? They don't have that right at all...