Mute

Often when I'm low, but often because I know if I say something I will be percieved as rude and or stupid.  Spend a lot of time quiet and then the total opposite, if it something I'm passionate about I can ramble for hours, which people then switch off from.

If I'm in a situation with having to explain myself to someone I'm unfamiliar with I stumble and bumble with my words unable to maintain clear objective sentences to compliment my thoughts. I can recognize the immediate face drop of the listener. At that point I become mute often creating an awkward silence forcing the listener to jump in. I avoid situations like that which is why I don't attend party invitations or get involved with a crowd of strangers. When I have done so in the past I was labeled as a snob because I found it so difficult to make small talk.  I'm ok explaining factual or technical things I know and can focus on, but that is boring to many. The path of least resistance for me is to be anti-social avoiding such situations.  

LOL - American females comment on clothes, along with gay men. I think the scripted response is supposed to be where and how much, but then I'm never quite sure I've worked all the nuances out.

There's something about that country being founded on the individual and their sales pitch that's completely horrifying. It's drilled into the young: Sell, sell, sell! Ugh. Sadly, my mother would get angry if we didn't respond immediately and angry if we were confused. There was no winning, just finding ways to escape. 

I spent years using words incorrectly. Stumbling through words feeling forced to speak. At this point, after enough trauma, I've managed to learn to at least say something that involves having trouble accessing words. But the head goes completely blank - nothing gets in and no one is getting out!

For me it happens when:

I'm asked to do something that seems straightforward to others, but to me it's complicated, with lots of parts to consider.

I'm not able to make it understood why something is really important to me and I become frustrated.

When I've had a busy day with a lot of communication. Then at home I may only communicate in gestures or sounds.

When the atmosphere of a place changes and it's very uncomfortable. 

For me, I get mute in three ways.  

One is when I am too emotionally overwhelmed to make words happen.  There are thoughts in my head, but I just can't start talking.  Perhaps it's an inertia thing.  But I've also noticed that the more important something is for me, the more difficult it is to talk about.

The other way is to do with starting conversations.  It can sometimes take me three days to build myself up to asking for something at work.  I see them in the corridor or the staff room, say the words in my head, but can't get them out loud.  Or I go to knock on their office door and end up walking past.

My spouse surprised me one time by saying that when we used to go to the pub with friends there would be times when I didn't say anything all night.  I didn't notice that this was happening, but after she mentioned it I started noticing that I do have problems when it's a group.  Some people just talk so fast, and by the time I've worked out what I want to say, run it through in my head, I can't find a gap in the conversation to say it before the topic moves on.  Most people seem to be able to know the split second someone else stops talking and then jump in.  By the time I've noted the pause and drawn breath, someone else is already speaking.  So I end up sitting there silently unheard.  And then if I start feeling bad about it, I get the emotional overwhelm difficulties which make it even worse.

This feels like a great description of the circumstances that appear alongside it

This is how I've been lately, and it happens semi-regularly. I thought it was associated with depression but I'm not depressed. So this is yet another instance of me not understanding my behaviour. I've been reluctant to talk or write; even on here. Trying to stop myself feeling overwhelmed means that I end up doing nothing.

Situational mutism and shutdowns are common experiences within our autistic community,  you are definitely not alone.

JT said:

I've come to the conclusion that it's a self defense mechanism that protects either my point of view or my energy levels, and comes most often when I haven't had any space to myself for some time

This is exactly what a shutdown/situational mutism period is for, it’s a form of self protection to avoid further overload.

 I don’t often experience situational mutism/shutdowns now but I used to when at school. 

That's common for a lot of autistic kids I think.  Either shut down or some how make it through the day and then fall apart the minute over threshold home.  I think it's missed a lot by schools for that reason and a lot of parents who are trying to tell schools that something is up get ignored as overly protective.  By the sounds of it, my mother went through that.

Mine appears when I do not have the words to express what I believe to be right or just, in the face of surprised-or-imbalanced confrontation is where it appears most, but it also appears when I am hyper-focusing or overloading. 

It had meant that I was looked-past at school, because I was made of wood, and because I was the squeaky-wheel only when trapped. My lived-experience has allowed to learn how to physically and rhetorically avoid stress, it doesn’t surprise me that workplaces and schools, are where mutism is most prevalent.

My parents and teachers used to be very contradictory at meetings, because the contrast in my behaviour was so drastic, I shutdown at school and blew up when I got home..

Some folks prefer to think of this as "situational" mutism as the situation for them provokes it, rather than this being a choice or 'selection' of any kind.  

I think there can be many reasons.  I often get what I call a 'gulping gold fish' moment.  Where I know I'm supposed to say something but the thought won't quite connect to the mouth, or there is no thought about the topic; mouth opens, nothing comes out, closes again. 

Small talk can do that.  Visiting a friend in the states, I found that Americans seemed to have a cultural compulsion to complement some aspect of my clothing, I suppose, as we talk about the weather.  "Hey great pants" would cause such a moment.  What do I say to that - yep, I put trousers on this morning??? I have no script to deal with that.

the other thing that causes it is if I am mid way through explaining one thing and someone asks an off topic question which takes me by surprise - I can't disengage the brain from one attention tunnel to process the question, never mind answer it.  That's a task switching issue, I guess.

Otherwise, shut down and meltdown can make it impossible to talk or receive information at all.  I also went mute after they took my teeth.  Everything was communicated through writing.  That was because of the sensory disturbance to my mouth.  I just could not open my mouth and move my tongue without being freaked out by it.

Other people point to moments of social anxiety.  They want to say something, but nothing will come.

Ironically, whenever I'm in despair about my verbal or written communication.