Camouflaging or Masking.. to do or not to do and why

The Jungian "Mask" is essentially NT encoded (if the brain were to receive code like a computer, NTs would get this free auto-download of how to behave in society). As Jung talks of the collective unconscious, this term is something he created for what was discovered: a socially acceptable "mask" which hides the individual who is actually disintegrating (I think of particles) into a whole collective. That's the Mask - the Persona. Then there's the autistic who isn't quite doing this but trying to mimic it without realising the complexity of what's happening on a deeper level. The NT is rewarded for their mask. Ours might look like a science or art project (if we create an analogy).

Then there is another way of being within the world around, and I think your description of it works perfectly: The use of Awareness. One can use this however they wish, but we still have to understand everyone has a right to respond how they wish - we cannot control others, but self-control is a virtue. I think of it in several ways: curating my self and try to be as responsible as I can for how I affect others. But this happens by first caring for the self, understanding my values and learning to integrate my words (though sometimes they're inaccessible), actions with my deeper desires. But I also appreciate good manners and small matters of kindness and then finding the deeper truths below what I think is true. Perhaps on the surface I don't want to share. Some days I don't. But on another level I want connexion. And to connect requires a sort of sharing.

I think it's important to recognise the vulnerable raw self isn't always presentable. I don't want to be remembered as someone who just does and says what she likes at the cost of another or at the expense of another. To me, that is a modern behaviour and 'value' (if we can call it that) which is also driving the NT demand others 'read my mind' and unreasonable expectations which constitute a misunderstanding of the term "Empathy", turning someone's boundary, or lack of desire to be abused into a Moral issue. 

It's OK to keep the self hidden. Another thought here is to examine my Role and Responsibly. My friends accept I might accidentally info-dump. Simultaneously I try to remember it's a bit greedy to take up all the air in the room and catch myself and try to with hold an overload of info simply out of respect for others time. Unless they've become engrossed. 

One of the most expensive Arts Schools in the US has a policy: You're not allowed to perform while you're a work in progress - while you're studying. And I think that's OK. There's a reason for the Dark Room where film develops. 

I would focus less on whether one is or isn't camouflaging or making and begin to learn how to become an integrated self. That makes everything easier. 

Although I recognise the wisdom of your thoughts, I can't dismiss the ramifications of embracing a "Mask-free" living in favour of self-development.

Self-development has always been an ongoing project (all my life) and I am not intending to stop soon!

But until emotions stop ruling the world, I have to control my involvement to avoid losing a life I want to keep.

So perhaps a balance is reasonable!?

When masking for an intended purpose without forgetting one true self becomes the norm until such a world exists!

Upon reassessment.. I think the question is not about balance but about the value add!

What actual value is masking providing by fitting in a mould I do not wish to be in?

Soul-searching in progress...

Hi Juniper, I love your train of thought!

I think my biggest issue is not authenticity, it's clarity.

I do get your point about considering one's behaviour and I do agree that it is being responsible and respectful of others.

I don't want to mask as a reactive subconscious response to be accepted in the society. I want to purposefully live my life and when I choose to hide, lie or mask, then I have done so on purpose and with meaning.

Because this means that when I choose not to hide or show myself, that I am opening up, trusting and therefore vulnerable, it just adds clarity to my choices.

So I guess I don't want to mask after all. I want to make informed clear choices to show a specific version of myself instead.

By definition, a mask isn't conscious. It's a subconscious way of behaving - like a murmur of starlings. They don't spend time wondering why they move they way they do.

This word, "mask" get's used a great deal in a myriad of ways, so I'm just reintroducing the proper terminology, as it's a neurotypical way of being. If you're making a conscious decision to use discretion or to hide, withhold a response or not be too vulnerable, that's not always a bad thing. As mature adults, we might feel an intense anger at our computer, but decide to not express this in front of our children. This isn't masking, but merely being responsible. Just being - blah... all out there, without consideration, do what I want, is a bit like... Trumps behaviour. It's lazy and careless and disrespectful, and oddly, this crude behaviour can also be a mask. I might really sum the mask up as being in a way we're not conscious of. 

Autistic "Masking" has become a term about not showing our intensities to others and honesty, I don't care to be open and vulnerable and uninhibited with the world around. Also, I'm not everyone else's responsibility. I'd actually suggest most of us need to spend time learning about what we value independently so to integrate our deeper intent into words/actions. This takes asserting boundaries, creating a safe space to grow and become (like a greenhouse). And then learning applicable tools and disciplines to connect with others interdependently. What we've missed most of our life, is the doctrine of being social. And once I discovered that 'doctrine' or those rules, I could then begin to choose who I wanted to be friends with and invest time and resources with. Many things are given with effort in friendship: blocks of time I could be working, expressing thought-full-ness, remembering birthdays and such - LOL.

The complexity here is Authenticity is a lie. Who really truly knows their complete and 'real' self? But the neurotypical design isn't wired for authenticity so there is a strong desire for it. It's wired for togetherness at the expense of the self. Where as, many of us spend our lives feeling unheard and misunderstood - too unique. I'm not sure that authenticity is what any one of us desire but to feel accepted and approved and purposeful. As if we have something to offer. I might suggest to build the unique you: the more you understand your strengths and limits and recognise and grow with values and a bit of ethics (not virtue signalling, but things like choosing to follow though or choosing to earn trust, or expressing respectfulness), the more you'll find a better response to you being and or becoming uniquely you. :) 

Unknown said:

It didn't occur to me until the age of 35 that I could remove myself from a situation and take a break if it became too much.

I also blame the work culture tbh, we are led to believe that just needing a break isn't a good enough reason to take one, it has to be scheduled or some other NT socially acceptable reason. And that isn't actually a healthy thing at all for anyone.

Much better for your health! 

I also didn't realise the act of making a roll-up WAS my main fidget for many years, I spent like half a year after quitting just buying the stuff to make roll ups anyway just because it was fun to do, I'd roll whole batches of them and then just not smoke them, I ended up being a little rollie factory for my friends who still smoked at the time.

In the end I went and got addicted to physical puzzles to keep my hands busy instead hahaha! XD

It didn't occur to me until the age of 35 that I could remove myself from a situation and take a break if it became too much. That's how hard I used to mask! 

🐝 Bees 🐝 (they/them) Autism resources in bio #stoptheshock #NothingAboutUsWithoutUs said:

the second it becomes more effort than it's worth it's time to stop or retreat to safety so you can stop.

Exactly this.

I agree with everything you have written above.

I agree with everything you have written above.