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Camouflaging or Masking.. to do or not to do and why

Cece

Hello.

Firstly I wanted to say a big thank you to the community and the participants. It is not just about belonging to a group of like minded individuals, or validation of previously "worrying odd traits" to be OK and normal. It is also the fact that the conversations can be interesting, mentally stimulating and satisfying even when perspectives are different (something that is essentially missed when discussing anything with a NT in my experience).

Secondly and on to the topic I would like your thoughts on.

I have noted that alot of people find camouflaging exhausting, unnecessary and a way the society has forced us to conform to their idea of "normal".. which is something to resent, reject and therefore refuse to comply with.. although understandable, that is not my perspective.

I like my space.. physically I don't like people getting too close to me (I might give exceptions when I want to but that can be revoked and certainly is not a free for all type thing). Emotionally is pretty much the same concept too.

With that in mind, I like camouflaging to help me control the narrative in my social interactions (which I must have to live!) So for example, going to work, I put on my formal wear which includes a professional mask, the whole attire I consider to be a version of myself I use for work. Yes it can include forced social interactions (among other things) that I would rather skip but I understand it's requirement and I do it in the same way I tell my dog "good boy" when he sits upon prompting (no intended offence for any NT).

My point is I see the use and I control the quantity and quality of the masked behaviours that I do which suits the outcome I have intended without too much anguish on my side. So the world see what I allow them to see about myself.

Upon the discovery of myself being autistic, camouflaging got my attention and resentment because I was doing it subconsciously and frankly no matter how effective, one would ALWAYS know that  they are different than others around which comes with associated challenges and terrible self image etc. But upon reassessing and taking control of the situation, my behaviour and therefore my life, my stance changed to "my choice" for "my reasons" in my "own way" and that made it ok!

However, can't help but think that this might be my glorious brain finding control on an otherwise out of (my) control situation to continue a behaviour that I would suffer without. (I.e., self preservation and adaptation etc. Which I/my brain are quite good at) but even if that is the case, can I still not use camouflaging as a tool for my benefit rather than reject it and suffer the consequences?

To me, the issue was the awareness. As long as I am aware of who I am and what I am doing and why, I am ok with it, but blindly complying or following other sheep in a long queue is not something I am ok with.

What are your thoughts?

Thanks.

Parents

  • The Jungian "Mask" is essentially NT encoded (if the brain were to receive code like a computer, NTs would get this free auto-download of how to behave in society). As Jung talks of the collective unconscious, this term is something he created for what was discovered: a socially acceptable "mask" which hides the individual who is actually disintegrating (I think of particles) into a whole collective. That's the Mask - the Persona. Then there's the autistic who isn't quite doing this but trying to mimic it without realising the complexity of what's happening on a deeper level. The NT is rewarded for their mask. Ours might look like a science or art project (if we create an analogy).

    Then there is another way of being within the world around, and I think your description of it works perfectly: The use of Awareness. One can use this however they wish, but we still have to understand everyone has a right to respond how they wish - we cannot control others, but self-control is a virtue. I think of it in several ways: curating my self and try to be as responsible as I can for how I affect others. But this happens by first caring for the self, understanding my values and learning to integrate my words (though sometimes they're inaccessible), actions with my deeper desires. But I also appreciate good manners and small matters of kindness and then finding the deeper truths below what I think is true. Perhaps on the surface I don't want to share. Some days I don't. But on another level I want connexion. And to connect requires a sort of sharing.

    I think it's important to recognise the vulnerable raw self isn't always presentable. I don't want to be remembered as someone who just does and says what she likes at the cost of another or at the expense of another. To me, that is a modern behaviour and 'value' (if we can call it that) which is also driving the NT demand others 'read my mind' and unreasonable expectations which constitute a misunderstanding of the term "Empathy", turning someone's boundary, or lack of desire to be abused into a Moral issue. 

    It's OK to keep the self hidden. Another thought here is to examine my Role and Responsibly. My friends accept I might accidentally info-dump. Simultaneously I try to remember it's a bit greedy to take up all the air in the room and catch myself and try to with hold an overload of info simply out of respect for others time. Unless they've become engrossed. 

    One of the most expensive Arts Schools in the US has a policy: You're not allowed to perform while you're a work in progress - while you're studying. And I think that's OK. There's a reason for the Dark Room where film develops. 

    I would focus less on whether one is or isn't camouflaging or making and begin to learn how to become an integrated self. That makes everything easier. 

  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    Although I recognise the wisdom of your thoughts, I can't dismiss the ramifications of embracing a "Mask-free" living in favour of self-development.

    Self-development has always been an ongoing project (all my life) and I am not intending to stop soon!

    But until emotions stop ruling the world, I have to control my involvement to avoid losing a life I want to keep.

    So perhaps a balance is reasonable!?

    When masking for an intended purpose without forgetting one true self becomes the norm until such a world exists!

Reply
  • in reply to JuniperFromGallifrey

    Although I recognise the wisdom of your thoughts, I can't dismiss the ramifications of embracing a "Mask-free" living in favour of self-development.

    Self-development has always been an ongoing project (all my life) and I am not intending to stop soon!

    But until emotions stop ruling the world, I have to control my involvement to avoid losing a life I want to keep.

    So perhaps a balance is reasonable!?

    When masking for an intended purpose without forgetting one true self becomes the norm until such a world exists!

Children