Forum changing

Billy your post reminded me of this tune:

www.youtube.com/watch

Thanks Glitter. That’s kind. Hopefully what I lack in conciseness I occasionally make up for in common sense

Thanks Oakling. Really appreciate what you’ve said, it’s helped for sure. 

‘Angry voices’ - where? I’m seeing little anger  but quite a bit of hurt and confusion, and a pretty well maintained decorum around some mostly nuanced debate. One way to de-escalate is to stop perceiving a ranting mob where none exists. 

I’m sorry to jump in here, I have been staying away from the more serious threads, but upon reading this I felt compelled to just say this. Please accept my apologies if I’m overstepping. 

I don’t think it’s fair for you to put so much responsibility on yourself in this way.

I build layers in the way you have here and put too much on myself in exactly the same way, but reading what you have put here makes me feel uneasy for you.

You couldn’t have known what was about to happen. No one could have. The crisps thing happened and you could spend a long time wondering ‘what if?’, but to what end?

We all miss Luna, and will continue to do so, but I think her legacy should be one of compassion, support and, where appropriate, positivity. 

Im worried I haven’t conveyed what I intended to hear, but I think what I’m trying to get at is, be kinder to yourself. Easier said than done, I know, but I think you deserve to be.

I suppose that’s a second layer to why I feel wretched about the crisps thing. The horrible timing with Luna’s last few days on here and of her life. Something that unwittingly destabilising probably had the place feeling less ‘nice’ than it had at precisely the time when not rocking the boat would have been the ideal, with her last glimpse of things being everyone at their very best. I think she was too much of an ‘old soul’ not to see that anyway, past any surface ripples to the reservoir of gentle and fragile souls underneath. But it’s still hard not to wish it could be undone. The timing was lousy. 

That would be very sad. But, I hope, unlikely 

Shard, you've said so eloquently what I have been trying to convey.  Thank you for this.

The dream world idea is a lovely one. I have that too. And it’s completely true that true diversity is inclusive of everyone, all opinions. However, while they are ‘allowed’ their opinions, gently or firmly challenging a sweeping statement that marginalises a subset of the already marginalised seems perfectly appropriate. It must, and mostly has, been done diplomatically and with well articulated explanations rather than the dogpiling  and instant labelling you’d see elsewhere on the internet. However, because we are mostly extra-sensitive people, even those ‘try and see it this way’ type posts can in the hear of the moment sound like utter persecution and so one of us will flee for the hills instead of take a deep breath, make a camomile tea, and come back with a slightly dialled down hyper-sensitivity, this staying and finding common ground. Thankfully most do, and it saddens me deeply when anyone leaves in a cloud of ‘nobody understands me, not even here’. That must feel so lonely and horrible. Being exiled from people or environments we’ve come to depend on and value is horrendous- I’ve been through it (am still going through the recurring trauma of processing its permanence) so I understand first hand what being truly and suddenly rejected even by those who seemed to ‘get’ me most is like. I hope Untoward will stay, and I hope Glitter and others who initially felt got at will stay. Because common ground is there on so many other things. It’s never going to be a utopia, just somewhere where we mostly try our very best to be terribly nice to one another. And occasionally say ‘maybe you didn’t mean to offend, but…’ This place is a bastion of civility compared to 90% of what’s out there, but we can always do better of course. Learning curve. 

You’re welcome, I think also behind the scenes , the loss of Luna has really unnerved the camp. We are terrible at processing our emotions. At this rate next week will be,” could the last person leaving, please turn out the lights.” It’s a great shame, this community has really helped me explore me.

yes i think we probably are. Yes I fully agree with offering your own opinion, I just think its important not to make others feel that they shouldnt be allowed their own opinions if they are different

In my dream world we can all get along with each other even if we have completely different opinions about everything

Thanks Roy, I appreciate that

I think we're having one of those autistic communication failures.  Sorry I do not intend to upset.

Perhaps "educate" is not the right word.  But when I see something I view as prejudiced or harmful, I will offer my own opinion in counterpoint. 

I totally understand how some of the recent posts may have triggered you and I am really here for you with that, if you want to talk I am always here

However, I really don't like words like "correct" and "educate" when people have a different opinion or perspective on life than you. It comes across as very intolerant of others which is a shame when you are trying to spread tolerance 

Actually I chose that example because someone said a similar thing in a recent post about another minority group.  Someone brought up a controversial political issue, I pointed out that it was going to cause upset and arguments but was ignored and then all kinds of arguments ensued.  And the "all rights matter" card was played.

The problem is that we are Intersectional- there are people here from all kinds of minorities and when one person says something that I discriminatory then another person has a right to politely correct them.  That's not politics, thats just asking people to be kind and respectful.  People are entitled to have their own opinions, of course, but that should not mean that the spreading of harmful prejudiced stereotypes should go unchecked.  When a person's "opinions" exclude and cause harm to a minority then perhaps education is a valid option.

Glitter said:

So if person A said, "Black lives matter" and person B responded "All lives matter," then person A has a right to be upset and tell person B why. And instead of complaining about being attacked or cancelled, the person B needs to listen and learn and maybe even apologise.

I think that is a really poor example tbh. Its just another way to bring politics into the forum. The idea that everyone has to be "educated" into having the same opinions and then made to apologise for thinking for themselves is part of what I am trying to escape in the NT world

I dont know why we have to discuss issues like BLM etc on this forum, its not Twitter. Cant we just leave politics out of it and all get along and support each other even if we all have different views? 

You don’t have to apologise, it was just a joke that unfortunately went too far. Maybe we should all just take a deep breath today, chillax and reflect on the last couple of weeks.

Thank you for the very civil and civic-minded response.

I apologise for recent posts which likely appeared as if aimed entirely at you personally; that wasn't the case, but I can understand it if you believed this was so. Subtext is sometimes an ill-chosen, blunt and clumsy weapon when one is actually trying to make wider arguments. A poor choice by me...

You deserve much credit for not, understandably, reacting angrily.

NO. This ends now. How many more people do we need to drive away this week?

If you want to "discuss the relevant issues" privately I'll drop you the address of a discord fight club, and we'll "discuss the issues" over there where people appreciate that sort of thing, and it's done openly, unlike whatever this is... 

I've learned my lesson here largely about being "controversial", and will be watching my P's and Q's or giving "I Sperg" a rest if I cant stop being at the centre of discord here.

Despite occasional appearances to the contrary that is not my "mission" here.

I'm supposed to be using my "wasted years" to help other people avoid wasting ages learning what little I did manage to work out on my own.

I had to agree with Untowards last words, because I don't want him bailing out of what is supposed to be a support group for Autistic people, without him knowing that he isn't alone or "wrong" in his views, no matter how many angry voices carefully picked at his posting.

I know he was a good and thoughtful member and I'll miss him, if no one else does. 

How do we fix this? Anybody?

We can both manage diplomacy, at times. So if you'd like to discuss all the relevant issues, please contact me privately. Alternatively, you might care to support your opinions by engaging fully and publicly rather than artfully casting this situation as a repression of purported truths.

Thank you.