Forum changing

I'll admit I had a very visceral reaction at first to the prisoners thread, and as I was upset and exhausted I may not have articulated my concerns very clearly.  I've just added a post there to explain more coherently why I think discussing it is a problem. 

When certain issues that are close to our values and painful experiences are put right there out of the blue then we may well react and blow up like a puffer fish.  

We're autistic.  Sometimes we will say offensive things without realising it.  The trick is to listen to each other when we say why something has hurt us and learn from each other.

So if person A said, "Black lives matter" and person B responded "All lives matter," then person A has a right to be upset and tell person B why. And instead of complaining about being attacked or cancelled, the person B needs to listen and learn and maybe even apologise.

Unfortunately in the reporting system on this site there's no way to say why you're bringing a particular post to a mods attention.  The only option is to flag it for abuse.  

Glitter said:

So if person A said, "Black lives matter" and person B responded "All lives matter," then person A has a right to be upset and tell person B why. And instead of complaining about being attacked or cancelled, the person B needs to listen and learn and maybe even apologise.

I think that is a really poor example tbh. Its just another way to bring politics into the forum. The idea that everyone has to be "educated" into having the same opinions and then made to apologise for thinking for themselves is part of what I am trying to escape in the NT world

I dont know why we have to discuss issues like BLM etc on this forum, its not Twitter. Cant we just leave politics out of it and all get along and support each other even if we all have different views? 

Actually I chose that example because someone said a similar thing in a recent post about another minority group.  Someone brought up a controversial political issue, I pointed out that it was going to cause upset and arguments but was ignored and then all kinds of arguments ensued.  And the "all rights matter" card was played.

The problem is that we are Intersectional- there are people here from all kinds of minorities and when one person says something that I discriminatory then another person has a right to politely correct them.  That's not politics, thats just asking people to be kind and respectful.  People are entitled to have their own opinions, of course, but that should not mean that the spreading of harmful prejudiced stereotypes should go unchecked.  When a person's "opinions" exclude and cause harm to a minority then perhaps education is a valid option.

Billy your post reminded me of this tune:

www.youtube.com/watch

Thanks Glitter. That’s kind. Hopefully what I lack in conciseness I occasionally make up for in common sense

Shard, you've said so eloquently what I have been trying to convey.  Thank you for this.

The dream world idea is a lovely one. I have that too. And it’s completely true that true diversity is inclusive of everyone, all opinions. However, while they are ‘allowed’ their opinions, gently or firmly challenging a sweeping statement that marginalises a subset of the already marginalised seems perfectly appropriate. It must, and mostly has, been done diplomatically and with well articulated explanations rather than the dogpiling  and instant labelling you’d see elsewhere on the internet. However, because we are mostly extra-sensitive people, even those ‘try and see it this way’ type posts can in the hear of the moment sound like utter persecution and so one of us will flee for the hills instead of take a deep breath, make a camomile tea, and come back with a slightly dialled down hyper-sensitivity, this staying and finding common ground. Thankfully most do, and it saddens me deeply when anyone leaves in a cloud of ‘nobody understands me, not even here’. That must feel so lonely and horrible. Being exiled from people or environments we’ve come to depend on and value is horrendous- I’ve been through it (am still going through the recurring trauma of processing its permanence) so I understand first hand what being truly and suddenly rejected even by those who seemed to ‘get’ me most is like. I hope Untoward will stay, and I hope Glitter and others who initially felt got at will stay. Because common ground is there on so many other things. It’s never going to be a utopia, just somewhere where we mostly try our very best to be terribly nice to one another. And occasionally say ‘maybe you didn’t mean to offend, but…’ This place is a bastion of civility compared to 90% of what’s out there, but we can always do better of course. Learning curve. 

yes i think we probably are. Yes I fully agree with offering your own opinion, I just think its important not to make others feel that they shouldnt be allowed their own opinions if they are different

In my dream world we can all get along with each other even if we have completely different opinions about everything

yes i think we probably are. Yes I fully agree with offering your own opinion, I just think its important not to make others feel that they shouldnt be allowed their own opinions if they are different

In my dream world we can all get along with each other even if we have completely different opinions about everything

Billy your post reminded me of this tune:

www.youtube.com/watch

Thanks Glitter. That’s kind. Hopefully what I lack in conciseness I occasionally make up for in common sense

Shard, you've said so eloquently what I have been trying to convey.  Thank you for this.

The dream world idea is a lovely one. I have that too. And it’s completely true that true diversity is inclusive of everyone, all opinions. However, while they are ‘allowed’ their opinions, gently or firmly challenging a sweeping statement that marginalises a subset of the already marginalised seems perfectly appropriate. It must, and mostly has, been done diplomatically and with well articulated explanations rather than the dogpiling  and instant labelling you’d see elsewhere on the internet. However, because we are mostly extra-sensitive people, even those ‘try and see it this way’ type posts can in the hear of the moment sound like utter persecution and so one of us will flee for the hills instead of take a deep breath, make a camomile tea, and come back with a slightly dialled down hyper-sensitivity, this staying and finding common ground. Thankfully most do, and it saddens me deeply when anyone leaves in a cloud of ‘nobody understands me, not even here’. That must feel so lonely and horrible. Being exiled from people or environments we’ve come to depend on and value is horrendous- I’ve been through it (am still going through the recurring trauma of processing its permanence) so I understand first hand what being truly and suddenly rejected even by those who seemed to ‘get’ me most is like. I hope Untoward will stay, and I hope Glitter and others who initially felt got at will stay. Because common ground is there on so many other things. It’s never going to be a utopia, just somewhere where we mostly try our very best to be terribly nice to one another. And occasionally say ‘maybe you didn’t mean to offend, but…’ This place is a bastion of civility compared to 90% of what’s out there, but we can always do better of course. Learning curve.