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Protecting your children from Danger - where does it end???

Lady Z

Hi all, I really need your advice and support on this one.  My son's obsession with planes, trains and automobiles has gone to a whole new level - read on:

My son is 8, and has wanted to play out with his friends for a fair while now, and my husband and I decided, with the help of a tracker device on his mobile, to let him play in the street with a couple of his friends.  All was going well, he came home crying a couple of times - as always, his social behaviours are lacking, but a couple of his friends know exactly what his like - and I take my hat off to them!

So we thought that letting him play out during the school holidays was a big step to take for him and also it meant that we could have a bit of a breather.

My husband came home from the shop yesterday with some very disturbing news.  My son had been ambushing strangers in the street as they got in their cars, asking to have a look inside their cars!!

You can imagine my horror!  His time outside with his friends was immediatley revoked!  I have, however, taken a few steps of my own as childrens services seem to go to ground during holidays, evenings and weekends!

A friend of mine is a PCSO so I asked her for some advice, she is going to get in touch with the community team who have the Ben and Jet childrens awareness programme.  Also the Hypermobility Association has a lady who deals with suffers with children who have special needs, and Im waiting for her to contact me.  Im trying to get all bases covered, and then theres you all.  If theres anything else I can do or anyone else I can contact??

Many thanks to you all, in advance x

  • ...you can also ask social services for an assessment of need for yourself, as this is independent of a child's assessment of needs as a child with a disability.  You may get respite that way, being wheelchair bound I would have thought you have specific needs for respite with a young child who is more vulnerable than another child his age due to his disability.  Perhaps due to your own circumstances they can pick your son up to take to some activities and drop him back, I know you will be dubious due to not getting support so far, but unfortunately everyone seems to have to really fight for their rights. Maybe an advocate could help you with this.

  • Local parent partnership organisations often arrange activities for children with SENs.  You can look for your local one here: http://www.parentpartnership.org.uk/find-your-pps/

    Your local council may also arrange activities, particularly in school holidays: http://www.parentpartnership.org.uk/find-your-pps/

    Also, you do have a certain amount of rights with social services support, you can find out about an assessment of needs here: http://local.direct.gov.uk/LDGRedirect/index.jsp?LGSL=209

    If all else fails, you could contact Citizens Advice: http://www.citizensadvice.org.uk/index/getadvice.htm

    I am shocked that in your circumstances you have been denied support so far.  You may need to fight for it, but you should get something.

  • Hi - me again.  I was a single parent on benefits with no family near to help and also they didn't understand.  At that time we were fairly new to the area and basically isolated.  It is an enormous strain, without being wheel-chair dependent on top of it.  Services can be shocking.  They vary from area to area and all are under increasing pressure from government cuts.  That's no consolation whatsoever.  I'm presuming your son has a diagnosis of autism and is statemented for school which should help him.  On the home page there should be links to appealing social services decisions etc.  I would also look into applying for carers allowance and a carer's assessment if you haven't already tried.  I'm no expert but the CAB can be very helpful with the process and also maybe able to help with social care decisions as well.  Others may be along soon who are more knowledgeable and up to date than me.  I think all of you are being treated disgracefully and if all else fails and if you haven't already then you should write to your MP and your councillor and the director who are in charge of Children and Families Services at your town hall.  I hope you get some help soon, you deserve to.

  • Thank you both for your advice. Forgive my ignorance, and Im by no means excusing myself (god forbid).  I live in a small village, we have no friends and no family and no support.  We have single-handedly raised our son as the 'childrens services' refuse to help as he hasnt got a learning disability - which I beg to differ by the way - and I have shouted as loud as I can asking for help and advice.

    we live in a very small 2 bed bungalow and I am wheelchair-dependant. When he was outside with his friends he was supervised (husband watching out of the window).  I agree, maybe he shouldnt have been allowed to play out with his friends -but the other option being him bouncing off all of the walls shouting and screaming and making noises etc etc.  We are trying our best.  We have put in for a move but the housing association have told us that they can only do so much.

    So yeah - I hold up my hand - I let my child out in the street and yes, it could have had desasterous consequences. We need help and advice and support from fellow parents and friends and families who are affected by the spectrum in every way. Im not here to point the finger etc. I screwed up - can anyone please help us to get back on track??

  • Hi - I agree with Intense, it's too dangerous for all the reasons she says and probably more.  I remember a mother whose asperger son wanted most of all to have friends and I can understand how she felt.  Unfortunately his safety has to come first so as Intense says, perhaps having friends come to your house/garden might be the thing to do?

  • I hate to say it, but I would never leave my 8yo HFA daughter outside, they have very low danger awareness and you have to imagine they are minimum of 3 years younger emotionally, no matter what their IQ is.

    As soon as I started reading your post I was filled with horror.  You cannot trust other children to be responsible for your son.  I wouldn't even let my 12yo outside alone (AS) as she lives in a fantasy world and still has low awareness of danger and extreme naivety.

    You have to really protect children on the spectrum, explaining with social stories what is dangerous and why.  OK some children are less this way than others, but there will always be a degree of naivety and missing age-appropriate awareness.

    The autistic mind thinks logically.  Why would a person they didn't know want to hurt them, it doesn't make sense?

    If he wants to play with friends, do you have a back garden that you can invite a few to play in with your son?

    Letting him out on the street unsupervised is a big no-no.  Independence must be approached gradually, you must be really in tune with your son and see what he understands and analyse what he is aware of.

    I'm sure I don't need to tell you how lucky you are that he wasn't taken by one of those strangers whose cars he wanted to look inside.

    Another danger is that peers can take advantage of a child on the spectrum horribly. Dare them to do things that they are too naive to realise is wrong, and put them in situations that they will always come off worse in.

    I am coming at this from the perspective of a parent of two children on the spectrum and as an adult with Asperger's myself.