Unmasking as a adult

Yes we do all mask to some extent I agree. Thing is the sercety is loud &;doest openly tolerate poeple who are different.

Many companies only heir disabled poeple because it Rick's a box for them.

You can have a job interview and it goes well but soon as you say you have a disiblty of some kind, they make some acuse to cut the interview short.

Not every company does this but most do, I don't care what the government says. 

I have a place, a studio, where I make work. I make it the way I want to, and I surround myself with other who make and express in the way they want to.

This seems to help me when at home I often have to mask my more colourful self for the good of the family.

Not ideal, but a work in progress. The two worlds are slowly combining but as with all changes in life, these things take time. So for now, it's just whatever helps I guess.

I'm very aware that 'chnaging' how I am is as big a change for my partner as it is for me. But potentially much harder for her to understand.

Hope you find a solution as well

I found out I have ASD 3 years ago at 50, I had masked that whole time. Not long after I lost my dad to Covid , and had to put my mum in care. I had a massive burnout and that made me take a massive look at who I am and what I need. I mask much less, I am kinder to myself and do not preassure myself. My wife used to say that I should mask even more for her but after my breakdown that changed. I now console myself that I know a massive more about myself than I did and that I will only be truely happy when I retire, until then I just slog on.

Have you found a therapist that specialised in ASC?

JT said:

My sense of self has been blown out of the water and there's no support.

There is support here if you ask - many on this forum, myself included, are in similar situations and we feel your pain.

I have been using a therapist to work through many of the issues I've encountered and they have been great. At arounf £40/hour they are not cheap but they have both helped me with talking it through and pointed me to many good books on the subject that allowed me to use my researching skills to look much deeper into the issues of being Neurodivergent.

I get the bit about moving away to hide, but this is not healthy in the long run for most of us.

Remember you hace a community here to be a part of - just reach out and you can get plenty of support, advice and probably a few new friends who understand how you like to be interacted with.

I think that everyone, including neurotypicals, mask or camouflage, when interacting with others, to some extent. The trick is to find out which camouflaging techniques cause the least stress and how to de-stress following the use of masking techniques that do cause stress. These approaches are personal to each individual. I de-stress by being on my own and reading, but others might do the same with jogging or long walks etc.

I am in the process of trying to control (-maybe mask again??) my emotions/responses/reactions. I instantly think that because people don`t give fully back, like me, they don`t like me/don`t like me anymore/ I`ve scared them off/ ruined things with them!! I know that on my journey of self-discovery one thing that I do need to learn is how to understand how I understand things and how NT`s understand (......have others done this with success, and, how have you gone about doing this??).

NB My girlfriend seems like she is standing by me through this (-which I am also trying to accept!!....I`ve told her countless times prior to this that she would be better off without me and that she shouldn`t put herself through this with me. I am, however, finding that I think I am getting to a point where I feel that I should stop blaming myself fully here.... I am what I am. I am different than some, but not others. I do have my difficulties, but, who doesn`t really?!!). We are just at the initial "trying to learn about things and manage/cope with things" stage. Any advice/support from others would be appreciated as I don`t reach out for assistance normally. Hoping you don`t think that I am trying to take your post away from you Bearer1976.....Thankyou for the reply

I am a all or nothing person, in any relationship. Even though to be like that comes natural to me, it's not always welcomed by poeple. As the person does some thing or says something to contradict that. 

This can be any one. I find it hard to trust poeple because of that.

Yes it is a autisic triat.

Hey Bearer1976. Sorry, I don`t feel able to provide answers to your question, as I am trying to figure stuff out for myself. I, too, have spent my life masking or at least attempting to mask (-the most effective way of me doing this has been to be a loner and if I`ve had my "differences" noticed then I have been seen to be weird/funny with people/not willing to participate in things or events....which none of which are the reality. I do wish to participate in things and be with people-sometimes!!-just don`t know how to do this without going through a huge amount of stress, anxiety and discomfort....this, inevitably, does not happen much). I have gone through life trying to ignore or not make a big deal out of how I am or how I act. I have, somehow, met somebody that I truly feel for and (-am sure this is probably an autistic trait-) I give myself to wholeheartedly and completely honestly and openly (-I am very much either or, black or white, with no real inbetweens). This now means that I have been unable to hide my differences and difficulties (-emotions, in particular, which before now I would easily detach from)

The big problem is anything at home that happens,I can trace it back to how it started, thinking about how my words what ever they maybe or how some one else maybe effected if I say nothing and let things carry on. Some times I have said some thing to take the stress of others. The victim has normally been my 13 year old. She ist a problem her self and I don't have a problem with her.

The person in thinking of is my step son, he would be aggressive just to get at me as he didn't want me there. He didn't care if other poeple got hurt or just upset.  My step son was 18 back then and 22 now.

Some times I got see everything unfolding, even if I wast involved. 

I just found it safer over the years to mask. 

Even before I met my partner pieple couldn't cope me being me.

I can just see the nasty nastiness in the would, and don't like it. Didn't like it ad a child and still don't know.

Worlds scard, confused and cruel.

I'm struggling with this also. I'm 41, diagnostic 40. Am doing a lot of self work to train myself to be authentic no matter the response. But it will take the rest of my days to perfect I suspect.

Still just mystified that you get support for most issues these days, but get an ASC diagnosis and there's nothing. My sense of self has been blown out of the water and there's no support.

I'm definitely more isolated after diagnosis, before that I just put things down to querks, now I know I'm not imagining my differences I am unable to mask the way they effect me to myself even. Seriously considering moving into the back of beyond on my own to get away from everything

I’m only a little older than you, to be honest I only unmask with my wife. she still doesn’t fully get it but knows I am very different to the person that just smiles and waves when with family, I have tried to be me but they really wouldn’t understand. In 55 years of life, I think my family has seen me have a meltdown once, I think it was too much for them. The outcome is normally, you are strange, why did you say that? Just choose who you might think is capable of understanding. 

I know the feeling of trying to be “Normal”, because you want to be accepted as a human. Not as a subhuman. The other ASD individuals who can not mask have worse than those with the capability to mask.