Unmasking as a adult

Hey Bearer1976. Sorry, I don`t feel able to provide answers to your question, as I am trying to figure stuff out for myself. I, too, have spent my life masking or at least attempting to mask (-the most effective way of me doing this has been to be a loner and if I`ve had my "differences" noticed then I have been seen to be weird/funny with people/not willing to participate in things or events....which none of which are the reality. I do wish to participate in things and be with people-sometimes!!-just don`t know how to do this without going through a huge amount of stress, anxiety and discomfort....this, inevitably, does not happen much). I have gone through life trying to ignore or not make a big deal out of how I am or how I act. I have, somehow, met somebody that I truly feel for and (-am sure this is probably an autistic trait-) I give myself to wholeheartedly and completely honestly and openly (-I am very much either or, black or white, with no real inbetweens). This now means that I have been unable to hide my differences and difficulties (-emotions, in particular, which before now I would easily detach from)

I am a all or nothing person, in any relationship. Even though to be like that comes natural to me, it's not always welcomed by poeple. As the person does some thing or says something to contradict that. 

This can be any one. I find it hard to trust poeple because of that.

Yes it is a autisic triat.

I am in the process of trying to control (-maybe mask again??) my emotions/responses/reactions. I instantly think that because people don`t give fully back, like me, they don`t like me/don`t like me anymore/ I`ve scared them off/ ruined things with them!! I know that on my journey of self-discovery one thing that I do need to learn is how to understand how I understand things and how NT`s understand (......have others done this with success, and, how have you gone about doing this??).

NB My girlfriend seems like she is standing by me through this (-which I am also trying to accept!!....I`ve told her countless times prior to this that she would be better off without me and that she shouldn`t put herself through this with me. I am, however, finding that I think I am getting to a point where I feel that I should stop blaming myself fully here.... I am what I am. I am different than some, but not others. I do have my difficulties, but, who doesn`t really?!!). We are just at the initial "trying to learn about things and manage/cope with things" stage. Any advice/support from others would be appreciated as I don`t reach out for assistance normally. Hoping you don`t think that I am trying to take your post away from you Bearer1976.....Thankyou for the reply

I am in the process of trying to control (-maybe mask again??) my emotions/responses/reactions. I instantly think that because people don`t give fully back, like me, they don`t like me/don`t like me anymore/ I`ve scared them off/ ruined things with them!! I know that on my journey of self-discovery one thing that I do need to learn is how to understand how I understand things and how NT`s understand (......have others done this with success, and, how have you gone about doing this??).

NB My girlfriend seems like she is standing by me through this (-which I am also trying to accept!!....I`ve told her countless times prior to this that she would be better off without me and that she shouldn`t put herself through this with me. I am, however, finding that I think I am getting to a point where I feel that I should stop blaming myself fully here.... I am what I am. I am different than some, but not others. I do have my difficulties, but, who doesn`t really?!!). We are just at the initial "trying to learn about things and manage/cope with things" stage. Any advice/support from others would be appreciated as I don`t reach out for assistance normally. Hoping you don`t think that I am trying to take your post away from you Bearer1976.....Thankyou for the reply