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My friend has started dating,

Bodhisattva- neil

I don’t have a large amount of friends, most people I interact with are colleagues and the interaction is work based.

my social circle is made up of two ladies, both a similar age to me, one of them has been dating guys for as long as I can remember. I have never been over bothered by “boyfriends” that have come along and gone away. 
The second friend has recently started dating a guy and it has really effected me., so much so that I considering pulling away from her. 
Has  anyone else felt like this and how have you behaved in a situation such as this 

all thoughts are welcome.

  • in reply to Steven

    Yes of course, the sensation I feel is an unpleasant pain in my chest cavity. 
    I can explain it like this. 
    It’s the same feeling I get when I have very nearly reversed my car in to something. I call that my “near miss” feeling. 
    I get it a lot. 
    Feeling Threatened was a quote from an earlier reply and I think I can link my physical “near miss” sensation to being very worried about my friendship being taken away. 

  • Hi. Slight smile

    I'm sorry that I don't have any advice at the moment. For everyone's benefit, could you please explain exactly what you mean by feeling 'threatened'? This might help us to understand, and so give truly relevant advice. I apologise for not understanding whether you perhaps feel jealous or feel worried about losing the friendship or maybe you dislike the new boyfriend or disapprove of him. Or for other reasons.

  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly

    My three main IRL male friends have all married. Two of them are great about regular contact an occasional catch ups (occasional is my pace of life anyway!), the third is very nested since marrying three years ago and seldom makes contact. I hear that that scenario is much more common, leaving the single friend to make one way efforts or fade away into Christmas card territory. So I’m grateful that I’m beating the odds by dint of the particular dynamics of our wee group. 

  • in reply to Bodhisattva- neil

    Speaking from experience, I have found that when female friends are in relationships, they still want to maintain some form of contact with their friends. After all, friends are generally the people who will stick around and help them to pick up the pieces if their relationships don't work out.

    Unless your friend suddenly decides to end her friendship with you, which is unlikely if she values the friendship, my advice would be to focus on appreciating the friendship you have, rather than dwelling on how threatened you are currently feeling. Relaxed

  • in reply to Sporadic Sparkly
    Sporadic Sparkly said:
    I remember feeling somewhat threatened 

    I’m guessing that is what is going on for me. I need to work on acceptance. 

  • In the past, I remember feeling somewhat threatened when a friend of mine entered into a new relationship because I feared it would result in us socialising less. Whilst that did end up being the case, I gradually learnt to adjust and accept it, and not allow my feelings to ruin our friendship. 

    Although we saw less of each other, we would phone each other fairly regularly.

  • I had two close friends who grew up together (with each other not with me). When they started dating I was worried they might have less time for me, they did but it wasn’t like they disappeared from my life either. When they broke up with each other though they really started to drift apart from me. Even though they assured me they were still good friends. Even though they acted like friends in each other’s company.

    it was like loosing that relationship was a trigger for them wanting me out of their lives. At least it felt that way. I don’t know if it was the same with their other mutual friends.